Coffee with Christ Blog

Hosea: You Broke Me

August 3, 2015 // by Nikol// 1 Comment

Unexpected mercy.
Is the greatest thing to find.
When you’ve been broken many times.
– Mandi Mapes, Love Story

Me and The Girls are about to wrap up a study on Hosea. When we picked it, at first, I was hopeful. The caption of the study is “Unfailing Love Changes Everything.”

Sounds awesome. Right?

Plus, after reading Francine Rivers’ Redeeming Love it can be viewed a bit romantically:

Boy loves girl. Girl is a prostitute. Boy loves her any way. They get married. Girl runs away and prostitutes herself into slavery. Boy chases after her and buys her back (multiple times) because he loves her that much.

But when I re-read the book of Hosea in one sitting, I had a terrible feeling things were about to get ugly in my life.

You see…I’ve found that whatever bible study I’m doing at the moment tends to shape the events that transpire in my life. I’m more of a hands-on learner versus a book learner. So, I guess God really wants to make the lessons jump out by making me walk them in some form or fashion.

(Note to self: Become more of a book learner.)

So, why did I think things were about to get ugly? Because this last time when I read it, I felt God pointing a finger at me.

Turns out…

I’m not the good guy in the story.
I’m the prostitute.

And let me tell you, my life for the last 6 weeks has been tough on many levels, and Hosea challenged me. It challenged me…

To see the ugly in me;
To see the beauty in God’s constant love and repeated forgiveness;
To be grateful for the grace and mercy He extends every single time I screw up;
To accept His discipline as love;
To realize that – in order to show God’s love to others – I have to extend that very same grace, mercy, and forgiveness time…and time…and time again.

Tough stuff.

But may I be so bold as to suggest that I am not the lone prostitute shamefully kneeling before God?

Even if you don’t want to see it – you are too.

We all stray – and even run – from God;
We all repeatedly rebel against Him;
We all look to other things for satisfaction or comfort;
We all sell out and make sacrifices to the little gods in our lives – the gods we’ve fashioned with our own two hands.

But here is the beautiful part:

He goes and gets us in the middle of our sin and buys us back.

Every.
Single.
Time.

He doesn’t chastise us when we’re back.

He is gracious.
He is merciful.
He is forgiving.

He welcomes us back with open arms, and He restores our position.

The book of Hosea is ugly…it is beautiful…it is challenging…

And it really does change everything.

Restoration

May 16, 2015 // by Nikol// Leave a Comment

Then Jacob said to Joseph, “I never thought I would see your face again, but now God has let me see your children, too!” – Genesis 48:11

I’ve always loved the story of Joseph. He is one of my favorites.

Often, I have put myself in his sandals wondering if my behavior would be similar to his given the same circumstance.

Let’s be clear: I am quite positive it would not be.

Today, I put myself in Jacob’s sandals. Today, I imagined myself in the sandals of a man who lost someone he loved more than anything.

It isn’t hard to imagine what that is like. Nearly everyone has experienced that particular heartbreak whether it is losing someone you love through death, divorce, or disagreement. If you haven’t experienced it..well…you just haven’t lived long enough… because it will come.

It is inevitable.

But look what God does! Read Jacob’s words:

I never thought I would see your face again, but now God has let me see your children, too!

I wept when I read those word.

Wept.

I’m not talking about a glistening tear rolling softly down my cheek. I’m talking about body shaking, face-contorted, ugly-girl weeping.

Why?

Because Jacob thought his son was dead.

Dead.

Not-coming-back-ever-dead.

Yet God restored abundantly more than Jacob could think or imagine.

And I think He still does.

It might take years of waiting…
years of growing…
years of mourning…
years of praying…
and it might not look exactly the way we expect (or want)…

but we have a God that restores!

He fills in the holes others leave behind, and He does it in the most surprising ways and usually when we least expect it. Just ask Job.

Restoration & healing are what He does best.
It’s His thing.
He makes all things new!

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. – Rev. 21:1

And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” – Rev. 21:5

If He will do that for the earth, don’t you think He can do that for you?

Golden Days

May 4, 2015 // by Nikol// Leave a Comment

From where I sit, the day is filled with sunshine, a light Spring breeze, and moderate temperatures. It is a glorious day.

I think this is what our days will be like in Heaven.

Everything will have a golden glow reflecting the rays of Light. Plants and creatures will grow from soaking up the Living Light, and everything will blossom into beauty.

I wonder…is there pollen in Heaven?

I know. It’s a deep thought.

But I think Revelation addresses it:

For it is written: “…there will be no more crying or sickness or pain.” (I’m quoting that by memory so I’m probably getting it wrong). Since pollen produces tears, sneezing, and sometimes wheezing, and since there are no tears or sickness in the New Heaven and the New Earth if there is pollen, it will only make things grow.

This excites my Benadryl-ed self.

However, while we’re on this side of the New Jerusalem, I keep the tissue handy and be grateful for the pollen that turns my car yellow and hangs in the air like fairy dust, because without it trees and flowers and grass would not populate the Earth.

God is magnificent in His thinking.
Marvelous in all His ways.
The Earth declares His glory.

Wandering Wednesday #3

April 22, 2015 // by Nikol// 1 Comment

Soooo…I’ve been away a while.

If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, I’ve been wandering around doing adult things like…

Learning just how selfish I can be
Enduring more adult conversations (do they ever get any easier?)
Learning patience
Recovering from a nasty bout of bronchitis & sinusitis
Being humbled by my lack of gratitude at times
Replacing an A/C unit,
Dealing with some ~~puppy pranks~~ early demolition on a home improvement project.

There have been grand adventures too. Adventures like…

Celebrating the birth of this handsome man. I’m so glad he was born!

Taking a little vacation time in February. Can you say, spa day?
That vacation also included hanging out with friends and family I hadn’t seen in far too long and a little trail ~~run~~ wog (that’s where you walk more than you jog) on a beautiful Saturday at Monte Santo State Park. Beauty abounded.

Saying Goodbye to the Bravermans.

Does anyone else out there watch Parenthood? Did you bawl like a baby when it ended? I know I sure did.

Training (and successfully completing) a 10K that has been on my race bucket list for a while.

Taking in this view on a wonderfully, relaxing trip to the mountains…except…ya know…when Robyn’s car wouldn’t start.

Buying a cocktail dress for $1.53 to attend a fabulous event with an even more fabulous fella. Such fun!

Squeezing what could in all probability be the cutest baby in the entire world.

I know. She looks terrified and confused. But isn’t she the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?

Celebrating Holy Week in grand style! I don’t care what the song says, Christmas in not the most wonderful time of the year. Easter is. This year we added a Saturday night Easter Vigil in this stunning church…

With the tremendous help of some awesome people, we also pulled off an Easter Brunch. I took a chance and let my work, family, and church worlds collide. It was so wonderful to see some of my favorite faces on my favorite day of the year. It’s definitely likely to become tradition even if my feet haven’t full recovered.

Participating in Birmingham Reads with these awesome co-workers.

I have some upcoming adventures too, but you’ll have to wait on those.

Now you know what I’ve been up to. What’s going on in your world?

2014: The Year of Change

January 1, 2015 // by Nikol// Leave a Comment

2014 started off rough and was full of waiting and watching and wondering. In many areas, I felt displaced, disconnected, or discouraged, and right when I started to grit my teeth to just get through it, it did a 180 on me. It has been a strange and wonderful year. Memories I’ll carry with me are…

Best New Year’s Resolution:
Trying new foods, and by “new foods” I basically mean foods that normal people eat that I’ve never touched like yogurt…and blueberries…and key lime pie, for example.

Scariest Moment:
Crossing a (bleep)ing rope bridge on a zip lining ~~nightmare~~ adventure. I didn’t know if I was going to die or if I just wanted to die. Horrific.

Funniest Moment:
This really should be a top 10 category I have so many of these, but if I have to pick just one it would be almost flying off the back of a treadmill at the gym because I accidentally set the speed to 14 mph.

I was almost one of those YouTube video people, y’all.

Weirdest Month:
I’m not sure why this continues to be a category, but I like its uniqueness. So, I pick… August.

Biggest Obsession:
Dexter.

Does anyone find out that he was a serial killer?
Does he go to jail?
How does it all end?

Completely obsessed.
Go ahead…judge me.

Favorite Read:
ummm….I don’t think I read one single book in its entirety apart from Bible Study. I guess I can put that down as a 2015 resolution, huh?

Favorite TV Show:
Parenthood. And I have the t-shirt to prove it.

Favorite Bible Study:
The Power of God’s Names by Tony Evans

I can never, ever get enough of learning about the character of God. It brings me to my knees every time.

Best Vacation:
A weekend trip to Blue Ridge, GA to do absolutely nothing. GLORY!

Favorite New Experience:
Can yogurt count? I seriously love yogurt, but that feels like cheating since it was in a previous category. So, I’ll go with taking a calligraphy class. What can I say? I’m wild and crazy.

Best Spontaneous Decision/Best Purchase:
Deacon: Goodness this dog makes me laugh.

Biggest Loss:
Saying goodbye to my church home of seven years. The relationships formed were relationships I fought for. I miss seeing familiar faces, but sometimes, it is best to move on.

Biggest Accomplishment:
Running my first 5K trail run with everything I had and finishing 3rd in my age group. BLING! BLING!

A close second was surviving 3 months with a 19-year old roommate. (I love you, LC.)

Best Conference:
Hutchmoot. In all fairness, I only went to one conference. Apparently, learning was not high on the priority list for 2014.

Biggest Disappointment:
Getting a stomach bug while on a business trip in Chicago.

Biggest Surprise:
Ending up at a Presbyterian church. Whaaaa?

Most Memorable Moment(s):
Having a rat run around your garage with its head stuck in a mousetrap is pretty memorable, but let’s go with something more festive:

I was anxious before an event and I will never forget my friend’s face when she looked me dead in the eye (with crazy eyes) and said, “I’m gonna need for you to get your head right.” It makes me laugh every.single.time.

Most Embarrassing Moment:
Having to leave a date because I was having a panic attack.

Anxiety disorders are real, folks.

Biggest Blessing:
This man…because apparently anxiety attacks don’t scare him.

Favorite Gift:
A handmade quilt that was started in the 1950s by my great grandmother and finished by my mom. Isn’t it beautiful?

Thanks for the memories, 2014. You’ve been a little schizophrenic, but I appreciate the variety.

Fear & Faithfulness

September 23, 2014 // by Nikol// Leave a Comment

My life has been turned upside down lately and seems to be a complete mess…

Work seems to be uber-stressful (which is odd for me).
I have a roommate for the first time in 12 years.
My health has been sub-par (but not serious).
And the little annoyances and problems of every day life that normally don’t phase me seem to be overwhelming.

These recent events brought a post to mind that I wrote for the Valleydale Women’s Ministry blog last year. If you’re stressed out, or anxious, or have ever been in the past, I hope you keep reading. I hope it brightens your day as you realize that He can use your stressed out, anxious self for good and for the glory of His name.

I had a delightful opportunity to teach Breaking Free From Fear. Ironically, I had to take a couple of sessions off because I was struggling with anxiety.

(God has the most wonderful sense of humor. Don’t you think?)

I’m still not sure what was going on, but for a few weeks I felt like I was being tortured from the inside out. Physically, I thought I was going to jump out of my skin.

I couldn’t sleep.
I couldn’t eat.
I couldn’t think.
I couldn’t focus.
I was exhausted.

I can’t articulate properly how much it pained me to struggle with fear while I was supposed to be teaching on that very topic. I mean…I knew all the church answers.

I tried to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5).
I prayed for peace that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
I recited every scripture I could possibly think of that had to do with fear.

But still my anxiety persisted and Satan had a field day. He tried to convince me that I had no business teaching. He tried to persuade me that people would think I was crazy. He told me my God wasn’t faithful and His Word was ineffective. All of these things compounded my anxiety.

Mercifully, my symptoms dissipated after I quit taking some medication, but the questions in my heart still haunted me. I felt like a failure. I beat myself up for letting my fear overcome my faith, and because of this, I was certain I had disappointed God and that He could never use me. In three words: I was crushed.

I took these hard feelings to God. Immediately, in my mind, I saw an image of Peter sinking. He was waist deep in rough seas with fright filling his face, and an arm reached out to save him.

It was the last lesson I taught before taking a break, and it was crystal clear in my mind.

Peter – perhaps sinking more in panic than in the waves – might not have found his faith that day, but what he did find was grace.

You see, Jesus didn’t give up on Peter because his faith wasn’t perfect. He didn’t walk away from him because of his fear (Matthew 14:25-31). He didn’t just save him.

He used him.

He used him as the rock on which to build His church (Matthew 16:18).

Sure. Peter’s story teaches us how to step out in faith and walk on water. It teaches us how to keep our eyes on Jesus instead of looking around at the raging storm. But it also teaches us that God doesn’t give up on us. He uses those whose faith might falter momentarily. He uses people willing to persevere when they think they’ve failed.

He used Peter.
He can use me.
And He can use you if you let Him.

“If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.” – 2 Timothy 2:13

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