Struggles

Last Tuesday on the podcast, we started Joseph’s story. Today, we reach the pinnacle moment of restoration and reconciliation in his story. It reminded me of this post from January 2011. I hope you enjoy it, and if you want to hear all of Joseph’s story, listen to episodes 37 – 50 of the Coffee With Christ podcast right here on the website or on your favorite podcast app.

I love Joseph! I mean I really, really, really love Joseph. I love him for many reasons, but I think it’s because I can relate to him.

He was foolish when he was young. 
Humility was not his strong suit. 
His mouth got him into trouble. 

When Joseph was 17, God gave him a dream about what was to come. He didn’t ask God if he should share his dream with others. He just did.  At 17, I’m sure his approach wasn’t exactly what it should have been. I’m sure it was more bragging than bashful, more proud than prudent.

“Guess what God told me!” Joseph said to his brothers. “God said that I was going to rule over you. You…and Mom….and Dad, y’all are all going to bow down and worship me.”

OK. So, maybe he wasn’t quite that blunt, but his presentation of the dream was done in a way that his brothers quickly caught on to what he was saying.

They weren’t happy.

They already hated him (Gen. 37:5).

Joseph had just added some C4 to a smoldering fire, and it was only a matter of time before the burning embers of resentment turned into flickering flames of anger which would eventually ignite into rage.

On an ordinary day, Joseph sets out at the request of his father to check on his brothers (Gen. 37:13-14). Why wasn’t he with them? I can only speculate. They probably didn’t want to be around him, so they left him at home to hang with Dad.

As Joseph set off to find his brothers, he had no idea what laid before him.

He had no idea his brothers would do what they did.
He had no idea that the road to the palace began in a pit.
He had no idea that before his brothers would bow he would be broken.

Do you think Joseph would’ve wanted his “dream” if God told him his brothers were going to plot his demise?

Do you think he’d approve of God’s plan if he knew he would have to pass through such pain, heartache and betrayal?

Would he hop on board if he knew the next 13 years would be spent enslaved and falsely imprisoned?

Would you?

Would I?

Sometimes, like Joseph, God gives us glimpses of what He wants to do with us. Every now and then, He’ll bless us with a fleeting view of the big picture – a peek at the blueprint of His building – a taste of the sweetness to come. Sometimes God lets us in on His secret.

Sometimes.

What does He do in the meantime?

He teaches us to trust Him.
He stretches our faith.
He tests our endurance.

He teaches us His ways.
He holds us in His righteous right hand.
He wipes the tears from our face.

He proves that His ways are always right.
He shows us that He can work anything for good.
He teaches us that love sometimes means a lesson.

He proves that His timing is impeccable.
He demonstrates that His grace is sufficient.
He teaches us to hope only in Him.

He builds our character.
He displays His power and might.
He shows us His glory.

He provides.
He rebukes.
He comforts.

He sustains.
He loves.
He restores.

And in the end, He proves to be faithful.

The next time you find yourself faced with a seemingly unfair situation; or you find yourself standing in a pit of pain that seems to swallow you whole; just remember Joseph.

Remember Joseph’s promise and his journey.

Remember that God is bigger than your present circumstance.

While you can’t see the forest for the trees, He does, because He created – not only the trees – but the forest in which they stand. He knows exactly where you are and exactly what you are going through, and He knows exactly how to finish what He started (Philippians 1:6).

Have you ever made a bad decision? 

Have you ever let jealousy or anger or the desire to be loved take you to places you never imagined you would go?  

Are there choices in your life you regret? 

Do you take matters in to your own hands?  

Has something terrible happened to you at the hand of another?  

Are your family dynamics less than desirable?

Do you need to know there is hope and beauty despite these things?  

The story of Leah and Rachel in Genesis has been on my mind for months.  It’s not a story for the weak at heart.  There is jealousy, anger, selfish ambition, cruel intentions, betrayal, and rape.

It’s a hard story.  

And it was a hard life for them.  

Leah and Rachel were sisters who married the same husband, Jacob.   The first sister-wives, if you will.  Their father tricked Jacob into marrying Leah even though he wanted Rachel, and eventually, Jacob married Rachel as well.  

Leah knew Jacob didn’t love her; that he wanted her sister, Rachel, instead.  She bore this shame daily.   She longed for love and affection and thought she had to earn it to get it.  God saw her misery and heard her prayers, and so he blessed her with the ability to have children.  

Rachel had the thing Leah craved most – the love and affection of Jacob.  But Rachel had her own burden to bear.  She was unable to have children.  Jealous of her sister’s ability,  she resented Leah and was angry at her husband despite the fact that it was God who had closed her womb.  

And so a war of hideous proportions began fueled by jealousy between the sisters, and they started a contest to see who could have the most children.   To make matters worse, when they couldn’t physically bear children themselves, they gave their handmaids to have children on their behalf.

Can you image the handmaid’s plight?  To be forced to have sex with the husband of another to bear children that would not be yours?

It’s awful. 

The result of the battle brought about children.  Children who would be exposed to this unhealthy dynamic. 

Can you image their position?  To know they were pawns in their mother’s games?  

How could Leah and Rachel (and Jacob) be so dumb?  
How could they be so cruel to one another?
How could they let resentment and jealousy drive them to such unhealthy behaviors?
How could they use the people who cared for them and the innocent lives of children as weapons in their war?

It is so easy for me to judge.  
So easy for me to go there.  
So easy for me to not put myself in their shoes.

As much as we hate to admit it, we are the same as Leah and Rachel.  Our devices might look different and our situations may not be the same, but feelings will get the best of every one of us.  And feelings drive us to make dumb decisions.  Really dumb.

We will use and abuse people. 
We will manipulate.   
We will incorporate others into our evil schemes.   
We will go to extraordinary lengths to feel love and to belong.  
We will miss the mark far beyond what we think.  

Or maybe you are on the up-and-up.  Maybe you’re a self-aware, devoted Christian who checks off all the boxes.  

You read your bible daily. 
You go to church.
You listen to Christian music. 
You obey. 
You serve. 
You minister. 
You pray. 
You are even part of a small group.  

But you fear what would happen if you failed to check off a box.  You fear the consequence.  You think your world will fall apart or that God will smite you if you stumble even once.   

In either case, there is hope and grace amidst Leah & Rachel’s depravity. 

Earlier in Genesis, God makes a promise.  God promised Jacob’s grandfather, Abraham, that he would make him into a great nation. Jacob’s father, Isaac, received the same promise from the Lord.   And God’s promise to Abraham and Isaac was to carry on through Jacob’s lineage. Let’s also remember Jacob stole that blessing from his eldest brother, Esau.

Stole.

It.

God had a plan to make Abraham’s descendants into a great nation that would ultimately bless everyone.  Rachel & Leah’s war –  as unhealthy and sick and twisted as it was –  literally birthed the twelve sons that would become twelve tribes that would make up the nation of Israel. 

That’s right. 

The nation of Israel who would birth our Savior, Jesus, was born in the muck of mucked up individuals.  He was born because of, and in spite of, scheming, twisted, disobedient, manipulative, hard-hearted, stiff-necked people. He was born from people who didn’t check off all the boxes, and that is a game changer.

God used every bit of their unhealthy behavior to bring about His plan of redemption and to fulfill His covenant promise to Adam & Eve, to Abraham, to Isaac, to Jacob, and ultimately to all humanity.

So, think back with me….

What bad decision seems irredeemable?   
What regret keeps you up at night?
What feelings get the best of you?
Who has been collateral damage to your shortcomings? 
Who have you hurt in your quest for love or power or money?  
Are you collateral damage to another’s actions?  

Like Leah & Rachel’s story, there is hope and grace for you here.

Not one single one of us is powerful enough to screw up God’s plan.  A situation can never go too far that God cannot redeem it.  He is famous for using foolishness to accomplish His desires. 

He can use your jealousy. 
He can use your bad decisions. 
He can use the thing you most regret.
He can use terrible family dynamics. 
He can use that bad thing that happened to you at the hands of another.
He can use anything to accomplish His good plan.

And anything includes the worst thing you’ve ever done and the worst thing that has ever happened to you.   

Joseph was right. What we mean for evil, God uses for good. 

So, take a deep breath. Breathe. You do not know what God is doing. You do not know how it is going to turn out.

Rest.

Rest in knowing you cannot screw up beyond the help and purposes of God.  You’re not that big.  And even if you were, God is bigger still.   And He is faithful.

Has God redeemed something in your life?  Sharing your story in the comments can encourage others, and I would love to hear it as well.  

I like to take my time with these “end of the year” recaps. I peruse the year’s journals and social media posts to remember things I’ve more than likely forgotten with this middle-aged brain of mine. And so, here I am, thirteen days into 2019 recapping the previous year.

I’ve got to say, though, I might have outdone myself with that title. What do you think? Doesn’t it make you want to jump in and read all the happiness? But when you get down to it, The Year of Mourning was much better than…

The Year of Despair
The Year of Loss
The Year of Endings
The Year of Ashes
The Year of Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth

You see what I’m saying?

The Year of Mourning seems sad, but it encapsulates well the feelings of yesteryear. 

Despair came, but I was never without hope even on the darkest days. There was loss and ashes all around of things held dear, and weeping, there was a lot of weeping, but with the tears healing began.

Mourning is a hard thing and it continues long after the sting it gone. It is a dance with a beauty all its own. It is a holding close, a moving on, and a letting go. It is an acknowledgment of holding someone near, of loving deeply, and of being deeply loved. It is cherishing the precious, the tender, and the good. It is learning a new way of living and experiencing the void of someone lost.

And while mourning is at the same time sad and beautiful, I pray to the Good Lord whatever book He has already written that is my life, 2018 was the worst chapter and things only go up from here. Amen? Amen.

So, without further delay, here are some of the best and worst things last year had to offer.

Best New Year’s Resolution:
Not making one (second year running)

Scariest Moment:
It is a tie between getting divorce papers on my doorstep and having both my HVAC systems quit the day before I moved with 95° temperatures!

Funniest Moment:
I’m sure I did laugh in 2018, but I don’t remember it. Too dark? Probably. But it’s honest.

Weirdest Month:
August (second year running)

Biggest Obsession:
Renovating & decorating downstairs. I was on a mission to make it cozy and comfortable. 

Biggest Loss:  
My marriage

Favorite Read:
The Bible. That might seem like a Sunday School answer, but honestly, it was invaluable and brought such comfort and hope.

Favorite TV Show:
The Crown

This is Us

Best Movie: 
A Star is Born

P.S. The soundtrack is phenomenal!

Favorite DIY: 
The backsplash in my kitchen (it was soooo easy!)

And this garage sale find/dining room chair makeover (it was not as easy as I thought).

Biggest Accomplishment:
Not losing my mind (if only I weren’t serious).

Best Concert/Conference:
Andrew Peterson’s Resurrection Letters

Biggest Surprise:
Moving out to “the country” and loving every minute of it.

Most Memorable Moment: 
Signing divorce papers. I’ve never experienced God’s peace quite like that moment.

AND

Seeing the dogs run free at the beach. Here’s my video.

Biggest Blessing:
My dogs. I’m sure my social media circles are sick and tired of seeing the monsters, but honestly, I never knew what a blessing animals could be during hard times until last year. They will keep you going and smiling.

Favorite Bible Study:
No structured bible study in 2018.  I’m looking forward to 2019.

Favorite Podcasts:  
The Next Right Thing
The Bible Binge
Dirty John
Dr. Death

Best Purchase:
I’d like to say my house, but if I’m honest, a close second is this paint roller.  Glory to God!  When you are painting 1,000 square feet, you cannot buy anything more valuable. 

Best Vacation:
Taking the monsters to the beach with Kels!  Utter joy abounded!  

Favorite New Experience
I was able to take a couple of laps around Barber Motorsports in a Porsche. It was exhilarating. Here’s some video we took in the car.

Biggest Disappointment:
No comment.

Biggest Surprise
Learning is a mass email that my boss of 10-years had taken a new position within the organization.  

And so, that’s it. 2018, you will not be missed.

I don’t really know how to start this post.  There is a certain pressure to get this right that I almost didn’t write it, but I had to stop myself, because these things need to be said even if they are said imperfectly.

There is something deeply disgusting, disturbing, offensive, and dangerous about the women’s movement in America.  What is even more disturbing is how the American church has seemed to jump on the bandwagon wholeheartedly.  Don’t get me wrong, there are enormous and inexcusable offenses woman have suffered at the hands of men, and those deserve and demand justice.  But that is not what I am talking about for the purposes of this post.

I’m talking about the subtle disrespect that can be seen in an eye roll, or a backstabbing comment, or disparaging remark behind men’s backs.
I’m talking about the “I-know-better-than-you” attitude, and the insistence upon getting your own way and the entitled attitude behind it.
I’m talking about shaming men for their sins and then victimizing yours.
I’m talking about the loud sigh when you don’t see their point.
I’m talking about the insistence upon being seen and heard and validated as a woman.

Ladies:  Get ahold of yourselves and SLOW.  YOUR.  ROLL.  You are making fools of the best of us.  Let me remind you for a moment of the basics from Genesis and that there is an order to the things of God.

Let us remember God chose to walk with man first in the Garden of Eden.  He walked with Adam and talked with him long before we existed.  And we were made from him and for him.

Let us not forget the strategy of Satan in that same garden to deceive us instead of the man because he knew we are easily deceived.

Let us not forget the consequence of subverting the authority of God and of man.  God’s order is for us to be subjected to him while on this earth.  It is our part of the Fall.  And if we are the ones that are easily deceived by the lures of the devil, could it be that is what is happening today?

Be mindful.  Be aware.  The devil crouches like a lion ready to devour its prey.

Is it any wonder men are afraid to lead in the church?
Is is any wonder they don’t want to show up on Sundays to worship?
Is it any wonder they don’t want to be involved?
Is it any wonder they give up on their marriages? Or take a back seat? Or don’t get married at all?

Would I put myself in a position to be constantly questioned and disrespected?

Would you?

Church:  We have a duty to our men and we are failing miserably.  How are we seeking to bring them back into the fold? Or bring them into the fold at all? What are we doing to minister to them as men in a non-condescending way? Where is the committee to make this happen? I’ll sign up because, frankly, I love men.

I love what they bring to the table.

I love their creativity, and their sensibilities to the logical and practical.

I love their strength and wisdom.

I love the protection and provision they intuitively provide.

I love their viewpoint.

Men:  You have a responsibility in this too.  You must forgive us our offenses. You must not sit idly by. You must rise to the occasion and be the men we so desperately need.

Now, I know I’ve probably stirred up a hornets nest.  You might be tempted to lash out with whatever makes you smarter than me.  And I will be the first to tell you, you ARE probably smarter than me.  I want you to know whether or not we agree, your feelings are welcome here.  Express them respectfully.  But what if you paused for a moment to consider why these things impact you in that way?  Is there something you might glean for yourself in what you might consider an unwise viewpoint?  I’d love to hear either way.