Discovering True Intimacy with Our Savior

Ocean Deep

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IMG_2255As I stare out the window at the ocean I’m reminded that God’s love is deep, wide, and long. It spans far beyond our vision or comprehension. God know the dimensions, but to us, it is measureless. It is far-reaching and inexhaustible. It has the power to change us; to mold us; to immerse us. It can be terrifying in its power, yet beautiful to behold.

So many stand on the shore and allow the waves to come to them. It tickles their toes and they dance with delight. But some are drawn to its deepness, its power, its beauty and standing on the shore simply is not enough.

I do not want to be one that is content to stand on the shore. I want to run into that blue vastness of His love with reckless abandon. I want to be brave enough to step out into the deepness of His love allowing it to cover me completely. I want to sink into it, rising and falling as the waves roll in and out. I want to brave the currents that threaten to pull me in because it is only then that I can feel Him on every inch of my skin and in every fiber of my being. It is only then that I can float along where His love takes me. It is there that I can plunge into the depths of a boundless love and discover a world that is not like this one.

God’s Grace Is Sufficient

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Years ago, someone deeply inflicted a wound to my heart. I suppose I responded the way that most people would: I was angry, bitter, and hurt, but circumstances didn’t allow me to take my frustration out on the person. So, I took it out on God.

I remember sitting on the phone with my dear friend, Angela, saying things about My Savior that should never be uttered aloud and of which I will not repeat. Angela miraculously (& annoyingly) met every complaint, every gripe, every angry word with these:

All I know is that God’s grace is sufficient.

Over and over and over again she repeated those words to me.

It was infuriating.

I really didn’t understand how it applied to my situation. And, honestly, on that particular day, and in that particular circumstance, I didn’t care.

Seven years have passed since Angela uttered those words to me.

Seven.
Years.

And I remember them as clearly as if it was yesterday.

Recently, I bumped into the person who inflicted that wound those many years ago, and all that hurt I thought was behind me came rushing back. Suddenly, I felt…

worthless…
unlovable…
disposable…
rejected…
abandoned…
and alone.

I was processing these feelings with another friend, and when he spoke, I could not believe the words coming out of his mouth:

God’s grace is sufficient for you, Nikol.

I’m serious. I can’t make this stuff up.

Needless to say, I’ve been praying over those words lately, but it wasn’t until I read a definition of grace on Jamie Harper’s blog that it snapped into crisp focus.

Grace is the unmerited favor of God.

How many times had I heard that definition?

Countless.

But on this particular day, and in this particular circumstance, it became very clear: Suddenly, “God’s grace is sufficient” became “The favor of God is sufficient for you, Nikol.”

Turns out, I had given this person the ability to determine my worth and that was wrong.

People are fickle.
They are broken.

They carry around their own disappointments;
their own baggage;
their own wounds.

Scripture tells us that God is the only one just in his judgments. And that God – the creator of everything in Heaven & Earth – is the one who has determined my worth. His grace – His unmerited favor – says that I am:

Valuable…
Lovable…
Irreplaceable…
Accepted…
Worthy…
Redeemed.

He will never mistreat me.
Never forsake me.
Never abandon me.

And that – it turns out – is more than sufficient.

Avenues of Adversity

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I have a list in my head of people I want to talk to when I get to Heaven.  Joseph is in the top 3.  I think about his story a lot. God tells him one thing and then the story goes in the opposite direction.

I wonder what emotions he experienced…

as he sat in a pit waiting to die…
when his brothers sold him into slavery…
when Potiphar’s wife falsely accused him of rape…
when he was in prison for years.

Did his questions ever cease?
Where there moments of panic?
Did he ever yell out at God in frustration?

Did he doubt himself?
Was he lonely?
Did he think he was crazy?

Did he cry?
Want to give up?
Did he sink into moments of despair?

Did he waver in his faith?
Did he go through a season of bitterness?
Did he weep from the disappointment when days in his prison cell turned into months and eventually years?

Joseph’s story in Genesis is very factual with few details regarding his emotions. Why?

Perhaps leaving out the emotions allows us to fill in the blanks with our own experiences. Maybe the details are missing because it didn’t matter if Joseph’s faith faltered. What mattered was that he served a faithful God who would fulfill His promise even when things seemed the exact opposite of what they should be. What mattered was that each avenue of adversity was necessary to mold Joseph into the man who would save God’s people. The avenue that would lead him through a pit and a prison would eventually pave the way to the dream.

I recently read Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges. Perhaps Mr. Bridges’ words apply to us as well as to Joseph:

But God cannot be frustrated. He will carry on to completion that which He has begun.”

He goes on to say…

God does not delight in our sufferings. He brings only that which is necessary, but he does not shrink from that which will help us grow.”

What would happen if we realized that every point of frustration, every agonizing moment, every disappointment, every adversity is necessary? Not one is a mishap; not one escapes God’s attention. Every one is perfectly planned to make us into the image of Christ. Every lesson is designed & tailored specifically for us, and it is executed at the proper time and with perfect proportions!

What comfort!
What brilliance!
What amazing detail!
What exquisite skill!

Our God is, indeed, a wonderful & brilliant teacher.

Help us, Father, to endure the pounding of the anvil. Help us to submit to the shears as you prune. Remind us when we grow weary of the lesson that it is warranted and worth every bit of the pain or it would not have passed through your Sovereign fingers.

Happy Trails

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Trail running is an art, and I love it for many reasons.

druss101 / Nature Photos / CC BY-NC

It is endlessly distracting. Nothing says monotony like pounding the pavement mile after mile, week after week, year after year. Sometimes looking at a long stretch of asphalt makes me want poke my eye balls out, but put me on some trails surrounded by dirt, trees, leaves, and lakes and I might just squeal with delight. If variety is this spice of life, trail running is sage to my soul.

Atmosphere is not the only glorious distraction trail running offers, it distracts in other ways too. Miles seem to fly right by. I’m much less likely to think “how much further” when I’m trying not to die…

or twist an ankle…
or break a bone.

I introduced a friend to trail running. For years we have pounded the dirt, hopped over roots, splashed in the mud, and zigzagged delightfully through the forest without incident. She’s been doing a lot more running on the road these days, and while she’s been running on the straight and narrow she’s taken a tumble a time or two.

This morning, with the rhythm of my own soles patting the pavement beneath me, I thought of how ironic it is that she’s having such difficulty keeping the rubber on the road. It is much more likely to take a spill on the uneven, the unpaved, and the unkempt.

It made me think of how often I stumbled spiritually on the straightaways. I get careless running the race God’s set out for me.

Maybe, in my pride, I think I’ve got it all under control.
Maybe I get lazy.
Maybe I get bored.

All I know is that, sometimes, I can get tripped up in the most unlikely of places. How thankful I am for when my spiritual journey takes me on some trails! They may seem treacherous, but they certainly keep me on my toes.

They keep me alert.
They keep me cautious.
They keep me humble.

You never know on what type of course God’s race will lead, but my prayer is that we run it well, that we stay upright, and if we do take a tumble, we get back up and run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…” (Hebrews 12:1)

Music Monday: Walk With Me

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Sometimes a song has a good beat to it. Sometimes a song has wonderful words that speak to my soul. Sometimes a song has both.  Happy Music Monday, folks!

Walk With Me
by Caedmon’s Call

Walk with me quiet, walk with me slow
With watered down coffee and words of gold
I can feel the edges of these things
When I hear you speak to me, so walk with me

Walk with me empty, walk with me strong
The hush of our voices, when the day seems so long
It is like a balm, it is like a jewel
It unravels all I thought I knew

Will you lead me, beside the still waters
Where the oil, it runs over, and my cup overflows
You restore my soul

Tell me the story, where old is made new
The promise of ages, and all things that are true
When the shadows fall and the wrecking ball
Swings and tears me through the heart

Will you lead me, beside the still waters
Where the oil, it runs over, and my cup overflows
You restore my soul.