Discovering True Intimacy with Our Savior

Feed Me!

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I don’t watch the news or read the newspaper.   If you are at my house and you hear CNN, CSPAN or any sort of news anchor coming from my TV, something is terribly, terribly wrong and you should seek medical attention for me immediately. 

I’ve never really understood the point of the news.  Why do we feel the need to report occurrences of the worst of humanity?  What fascinates us about the downfall of society or the antics of celebrities?  What captivates us about seeing devastation and disaster?  It’s all just sad and depressing.  Don’t we have something else to talk about? 

There is a plus side to the media mania.  In our desperate search to stay on top of things, many cool tools have been development.  Take for instance my favorite discovery for 2010:  RSS Feeds. 

RSS Feeds are what I consider golden nuggets of technology.  They allow you to subscribe to blogs (yay!) and news headlines (boo!) on various sites.  So, you can open your e-mail and get the latest blog post (yay!) or headlines (boo!)  from the sites you love without having to leave the comforts of your own inbox. 

There are no bookmarks to click on.  I’m sure that’s considered cruel and unusual punishment in some countries.  You don’t have to open your internet browser and type in the website.  Who does that anymore? No Google searches because you just can’t remember that website address.  That is so 2009!  It’s the epitome of internet laziness and it’s brilliant. 

I’m sure my lack of concern for current events shocks some and saddens others.  I realize I’m one in a minority of people who had rather be completely oblivious and happy than to be aware and miserable.  But may I be so bold as to suggest that happy and oblivious is the way God intended us to live our lives?  After all, wasn’t eating from the tree of knowledge what got us into this mess?  (Genesis 2:17) Thanks Adam.  Thanks Eve. 

It was never God’s intention for us to know everything.  We were supposed to leave that up to Him.  He’s in the business of omniscience – not us.  That is a burden we were never intended to bear (Romans 11:33-24), but you wouldn’t know it by looking at us with blackberries and iPhones glued to our ears, computers on every desktop, TVs in every room.  When will we learn – it’s not our job to be omniscient?  Our job is to know God and to trust Him with the rest (Proverbs 2:1-6).

(Re)thinking Christmas: Music

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I felt pretty good after writing “Loathing Christmas.”  It was good to get all those hard feelings out in the open, but then I felt guilty – like I had just chewed out my best friend or stole candy from a baby.  There just seems to be something inherently wrong about bashing Christmas.  Maybe I was a little too hard on the holiday, but then, Christmas has been around for a long time and has lots of fans.  So, I think it can handle the heat.  Besides, I’m all about being transparent.

God gave me hope last year for Christmas future in a little concert called, “Behold the Lamb of God.”  It rocked the Christmas stockings right off my feet.  (Just to be clear, I wasn’t actually wearing Christmas stockings.  I tried on the ones that hang on my mantel every year and they were too big and sparkly.  It would’ve been awkward.)

Now, as you know, I’m not a Christmas person, but a little known fact about me is that I’m not a concert person either.  It’s just not my thing.  So, you can imagine my excitement when a girl I didn’t know very well at the time, sent an email last year inviting me to a Christmas concert.  I was skeptical to say the least; but to be honest, I felt so incredibly honored that this person thought to ask me personally that I couldn’t say no.  So, I paid my $15 and went.  That might’ve been the single most important decision I made (and the best $15 I ever spent) in 2009.  No kidding.

If you have never had the chance to go see Andrew Peterson’s “Behold the Lamb of God” concert, you are missing out.  Find a concert near you and run head first as fast as you can to get a ticket.  Or you could just leave the running shoes in the closet (or at the store if running isn’t your thing), save yourself a jog and click this link.

I have to chuckle as I think back to the attitude I had walking into the concert venue.  I had such low expectations.  I had no idea who these people were or what to expect.

Was this a classical concert?

Would there be an orchestra?

Is there acting?

Is there dancing?

Well, much to my delight, the concert wasn’t any of those things.  It was a bunch of uber-cool guys (and one girl) who were about my age that can play about 900 instruments each and who have been blessed with an awesome gift in the art of writing music that tells a story.  God showed up among those extraordinarily talented singer/songwriters at Oak Mountain Presbyterian Church that night and changed not only my Christmas, but ultimately, my life.

The concert is broken down into two parts.  The first part of the concert gives each artist an opportunity to perform some of their original songs.  From the moment the musicians/artists/what-have-you took the stage, I was captivated.  I hadn’t been to a concert in years, but I was diggin’ it.

These guys – these awesome vessels of the Lord – were not only talented but they were hilarious.  I’m not just talking about being funny.  I’m talking about disgustingly charming, humble and hilarious people who made their audience feel at home.  Last year, the tour was made up of Andrew Peterson, Ben Shive, Andrew Osenga, Andy Gullahorn, Jill Phillips and Brandon Heath among others.

The second half of the concert is spent playing in sequence the “Behold the Lamb of God“ album.  The opening reading is from “The Jesus Storybook Bible“ by Sally Lloyd-Jones and goes something like this:

No, the bible isn’t a book of rules or a book of heroes.  The Bible is most of all a story.  It’s an adventure story about a young hero who comes from a far country to win back His lost treasure.  It’s a love story about a brave prince who leaves His palace, His throne, everything to rescue the one He loves.  It’s like the most wonderful of fairy tales that has come true in real life.   You see, the best thing about this story is:  it’s true.

There are lots of stories in the Bible, but all the stories are telling one big story:  the story of how God loves His children and comes to rescue them.  It takes the whole Bible to tell this story, and at the center of the story is a baby.  Every story in the Bible whispers His name.  He is like the missing piece in a puzzle.  The piece that makes all the other pieces fit together, and suddenly you can see a beautiful picture.

Now, if I wasn’t captivated by the first part of the concert, that opening caught me by my heartstrings and didn’t let go.  Seriously, even as I typed that out, I got goose bumps, butterflies in my stomach and tears in my eyes.

Andrew Peterson then proceeds to transform seemingly ordinary Bible stories – stories that I’ve heard a million times – stories that I heard as a child and read an adult – and weaves them into a seamless story about the coming of Christ.  It’s amazing.  It’s beautiful, and it’s true!

I don’t know how to describe to you in words the change that this two hours had on my life.  Just having the Bible explained to me that way was like a veil lifting (2 Corinthians 3:14-18).  It was like God took me up in hot air balloon and slowly adjusted my eyes so that they began to focus on a beautiful painting.  A painting filled with magnificent hues that highlighted each stroke pointing to Jesus – a painting that took 55 generations and 2,000 years to complete.  A painting that tells one story across 66 books and over 31,000 verses. It’s the most beautiful painting I’ve ever seen.  I think I fell in love with God that day.

Now, I don’t want to give this concert more credit than it deserves, but I do have to give props to The Almighty for using it to remove the veil from my eyes and for using my dear friend, who I’ve come to know and love, to turn my walk with God upside down.  Had she not taken the chance and asked me to go, coffee with Christ wouldn’t exist.

I’ve listened to that album a million times since the concert.  (Actually, it’s close to 100 if you trust the counter in iTunes).  I had all the songs memorized in two days.

I sang it in the car sitting in traffic;

I sang it at home; and I listened to it at work.

I loved it so much that I couldn’t part with it once Christmas was over.

I listen to it year-round.

Sadly, this year, “Behold the Lamb of God” isn’t coming to Birmingham.  But I won’t let that stop me.  I’m going with some friends to see it in Huntsville, and I’m so excited I can’t stand it.  I’m so thankful for Andrew Peterson and his crew.  I’m so grateful that God gave them the ability to play 900 instruments and write the greatest songs.

So, whenever I get into a bah-hum-bug spirit this year (and even when I’m not), I’ll put in my headphones, close my eyes, and let Andrew Peterson paint a picture of a God that is bigger than Christmas.  A God that loved me so much that He came down to rescue me.  I can hear the familiar beat of the opening drums …and Andrew Peterson’s melodic voice singing:

Gather ‘round, ye children come
Listen to the old, old story
of the power of death undone
by an infant born of glory
Son of God
Son of Man…

a testimony

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At church today, Pastor Calvin challenged us to know our testimony, and to be able to communicate it clearly in less than one hundred words.  Sounds tricky, yes?

I don’t know about you, but to me, “testimony” can be so heavy, so overwhelming.  For a long time I thought of a person’s testimony in the context of a formal presentation of “How I Became a Christian.”  And there are certainly times where that full-blown version is appropriate, and maybe necessary.

Several years ago, another pastor lessened my anxiety about testimonies, saying it was really just a story about how the Lord has worked/is working in your life.  That’s true, and it was a little bit helpful, but …

I still wrestled with this idea that ordinary people (like me), with ordinary conversion stories (like me), lacked the ability to relate to – and intrigue – someone who was considering the Christian life.

Let’s just keep it real: when someone (like me) starts their story with, “I grew up in church, and when I was twelve years old …” that is the beginning of a total snooze-fest testimony for me.

Part of a powerful testimony is the change component, right?  Evangelists being paid to share their testimonies seem to have conversions on the heels of a terrible accident, an illness, a loved one’s death, a rock-bottom moment in substance abuse.  No doubt about it, those are the powerful befores and afters that get people excited!

On the other hand, when someone’s been living the Christian life since they were seven, we can all rejoice that they were saved at such a tender age, but don’t you want to know their story didn’t end then?  Don’t you want to hear that they’ve somehow been changed for good along the way?

Don’t get me wrong, I tear up just about every time a little one gets baptized.  Praise be to God, and thanks in large part to praying and diligent parents, those testimonies are real, and no less miraculous than ones that happen to people who are 21, 52, or 87 when they make a life-changing decision about Who’s in charge of their lives.

And that’s the rub: children being baptized is a beautiful thing, but where’s the zing in their story?  Where’s their opportunity for extreme transformation?  After all, when I was twelve and publicly confessed my belief in a living God, I wasn’t exactly living a crazy rebellious life, from whence I would make a supernatural U-turn away from the dark side!

I admit that I’ve often thought of what a boring story mine is, and I’ve wondered how a story like mine, when shared, could possibly interest someone enough to give them a better understanding of the Christian life.

Isn’t that just like Satan?  To trick God’s people — whose stories might not be the dramatic ones you hear at revivals and Christian conferences — into thinking that their stories can’t have an impact for the kingdom?

So, while my story might not be dramatic on the outside, it has everything to do with the work the Lord has done – and continues to do – on the inside.

(Cue the word counter.)

There was a time in my life when I thought that being a Christian – and obtaining the Lord’s favor – was a privilege reserved for the morally superior:  those who followed rules; always made “right” decisions; made their parents and families proud; and were considered “good” people by others.

In my quest to become morally superior (and make no mistake, stumbling all over the place along the way), I landed myself instead on the top rung of the Ladder of Morality, looking down my nose at other people in judgment and self-righteousness.  It wasn’t pretty.

These days, I’m still a work in progress, but the Lord has been gracious to teach me that His love is one that extends to all people, no matter if they’ve followed all the rules, made all the right decisions, won the approval of their families, or carry baggage that exceeds the morally acceptable weight limit.

He loves everyone passionately, and He commands us to do the same.  That’s our (my) challenge every day.

Sigh.  I couldn’t do it in less than one hundred words.  I’ll have to work on that.

In the meantime, be encouraged in your story, no matter where it falls on the ordinary scale.  There are other ordinary people waiting to hear it!

Loathing Christmas

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Well, it’s that time of the year.  The time when little elves start decorating the streets with twinkly stars and red and green tinseled wreaths.  When children, and grown-ups alike, start making their christmas lists. When getting one mile down the road takes 30 minutes, and when a casual run to the grocery store turns into a wrestling match with a silver-haired lady for the last box of confectioners sugar.  When parents line their toddlers up for pictures with Santa where their faces are so contorted from their screams that they are barely recognizable.  Ah, yes.  It’s the most wonderful time of the year.  Or is it?

Let me preface the rest of this post by saying that if you are the kind of person whose eyes glaze over at the sound of Jingle Bells or if visions of sugar-plums dance in your head you probably need to hit that little “X” in the corner of your screen and pretend this post doesn’t exist.  But if you are as jaded about Christmas as a jigsaw, then press on.

For those that are still with me: let’s get real about Christmas.  I hate this time of the year.  You might say, “Nikol, ‘hate’ is such a strong word.”  Yes, it is.  So, let me repeat.  I hate this time of the year.

As a Christian, I had a hard time admitting this about myself.  Few things have liberated me more than when I said those nine little words, “Hi.  My name is Nikol, and I hate Christmas.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love that Jesus was born.  I love that one very thing about Christmas.  But that one thing gets lost in the proverbial hustle and bustle of the season.

My dread of all things Christmas happened 13 years ago this week.  My father passed away two days before Thanksgiving and the holidays were never the same.  Traditions that I once looked forward to were replaced with a sadness of one more year without my dad.

As time ticked on, so did the loathing.  My birthday falls right in the middle of Christmas and New Years.  Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a wife and mother.  So, in October (yes, October – don’t get me started), when I see the Christmas decorations being unpacked on the shelves at stores, I almost have a physical reaction as I brace for the inevitable holiday season and another reminder that I’m still single and another year older.

With all that being said, it’s not a surprise that I get depressed this time of the year.  Lots of people do.  While the world wants us to believe that this is a magical time of the year, the truth is, for many people, it’s a nightmare.   Remember those masks that I was telling you about in Fear and Freedom?  Well, if there is ever a time when folks put on those masks it’s during the Christmas season.

Last year, God showed me that there is hope for the Scrooges like me out there – those people that have been battered and bruised by life and by dreams left unfulfilled.  So, in a bold act of faith, I’m taking God up on His challenge to write a series of blogs on re-thinking Christmas.  To be honest, I have no idea what He is up to.  I have no idea how many blogs will be in the series and I have no idea what they will be about, but I’m willing to make-like-a-wise-man and hop on a camel and see where He’s leading.

So, even though that familiar dread has descended upon me as the holidays approach, I am hopeful and thankful.  I am hopeful that this Christmas will be better than the last and I’m thankful that the God who fulfilled His promise to Abraham over 2,000 years ago is the same God that keeps His promises today.

So, throw some chestnuts on the fire, grab a cup of hot chocolate and let’s see where He takes us.  In the meantime, tell me what you loath about Christmas.

made over

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 I like make-up.  I like a thick, black mascara …

… and I like a deep, red lipstick.

It’s a healthy little pop of drama in the life of someone who has a low tolerance for drama.

For fun tonight, Nikol and I are going to have make-overs by Julie Hewitt. 

Her product line is pretty fabulous.  Check her out sometime.

Being made over every now again is nice.  It’s new.  Updated.  Fresh.  You feel like a million bucks, walking out of that salon, even if it’s just for a fun dinner with the girls.

The greatest make-over we can ever enjoy, of course, is the new life we receive through Christ.  I love that the Bible tells us so plainly, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

The Greek word for “new” in that passage is kainos, and it means fresh, unused, unworn, and better yet, unprecedented!  Isn’t that thrilling?  When you become reborn in Christ Jesus, you are novel.  More uncommon, unmatched, and unparalleled than anything you’ve ever been previously, or anything you could hope to be on your own.  Glory to God.

The LORD did some pretty spectacular renewal in the Old Testament, too.  Israel?  Yeah, they had dropped the ball big time.  The nation’s sin and profanation of God’s name was heartbreaking to God (who wouldn’t be, after their antics?), but He still promised good to them: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you” (Ezekiel 36:26).  He pledged their restoration both spiritually (v. 26), and then externally through prosperity (vv. 29-30).

And, on a side note, He is clear that it’s not for Israel’s sake – goodness knows they didn’t deserve His mercy – but for His holy name’s sake (Ezekiel 36:22).  I love it when He gets in a jab.  In truth, of course.  🙂

So next time you sweep on some of your favorite eye shadow, or purse your lips to spread the glossy goodness, remember God’s goodness in His making us over, one new heart at a time.

P.S.  This is Nikol.  I hijacked Robyn’s blog post because I know she wouldn’t put this in here.  She has an awesome blog herself.  Check it out.

Fear & Freedom

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Over the last several years God has given me a conviction to be transparent with people.  Some people think I share too much.  I’ve been accused of worse, but the way I see it, there are too many folks walking around this planet with masks on acting like everything is fine when inside they are hurting.

The enemy of this world likes our masks because they isolate us.  They keep people at a distance because we fear what others might see behind our mask.  Perhaps they might find fear or anger, maybe they’ll find weakness and shame; they might realize you don’t have it all together; perhaps they’ll find pride or arrogance, or they’ll discover the hurt or bitterness that you’ve kept locked in your heart for years or decades.

As a Christian, as a follower of a God whose very essence is truth, I find it is my responsibility to take the mask off.  To let people see what a real walk with God in this broken world is all about.  And I’ve discovered the most extraordinary thing about taking off your mask:  once you remove yours, people feel safe to do the same, and you find that you aren’t alone.  That’s when healing can begin.  When love can replace the shame, the hurt, the fear, the bitterness, the fill-in-the-blank emotion deep within us that locks us away.  It’s when community can be built – not only with others – but with the God of the universe.  For without transparency there can be no trust because trust must be built on truth.

So, in the spirit of full transparency I want to confess that I’ve been struggling with fear.  It’s a suffocating fear.  A fear that grips me in my soul and won’t let go.  Though the words may change, behind it is always the same question, “What if it turns out God isn’t real?”  The thought terrifies me.

I can hear the gasps now, “What did she say?”  “Isn’t this a site about learning how to have a real relationship with God?” Yes.  It is.  But questioning God’s existence is part of the journey, isn’t it?  Struggling with the fear that maybe He isn’t real is part of struggle through the murkiness of this world.  As humans, we want to see things before we believe them, but faith with sight is not faith at all (2 Corinthians 5:7).  We have to have faith despite our fears.

Obviously, I wouldn’t have this site if I didn’t think God was real.  In my heart I know that I know that I know that He’s real.  And He is.  But I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t confess that there is still that darkness that lurks around the corner.  The darkness of fear that threatens me.  The darkness of “What if?”

So, what do I do with the what ifs?  I give them back to God.  I confess it – this fear that He isn’t real.  I know it’s not from Him (Romans 8:15).  I know it’s from the enemy.  This war isn’t against my flesh.  It’s a war being fought in the heavenlies (Ephesians 6:12).  It’s a war being fought for my very soul, and it’s a battle that has already been won (John 16:33).

I have a theory.  (Well, I have lots of theories, but one in particular that goes along with the topic of fear.)  I have a theory that if you fear something – that very thing – is the thing you should do.  Now, I’m not talking about standing head-to-head with a grizzly bear and challenging him to a wrestling match or playing chicken in the middle of the road with an 18-wheeler. I’m talking about taking a risk.  Looking back at my life, it’s when I risked doing the very things that I was afraid to do that I found the most freedom because fear binds.   Overcoming fear frees!

To free ourselves from fear requires action.  It requires experiencing the very thing we fear. Which, by definition, is a scary place because bad things could happen.  But good things can happen too.

What I want is so much more than to know that God is real.  I want to experience a real God.  There is a difference in knowing and experiencing.  I can read something and have knowledge, but until I experience it – until I risk putting my faith into what I’ve learned – I can’t really testify to it.

You see, I want to experience for myself who God is and that He is faithful.  That He speaks through His Spirit and that He is good at His word.  I’ve trusted Him with my eternity, and I want to testify that He’s not just a God of me when I die, but that He’s a God of me as I live this journey called life.  I want to know that there is more to God that what’s after this life.

I want to know that I can experience Him like Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Have conversations with Him & see His glory like Moses.

Know His heart and see His promises fulfilled like David.

Hear His voice in my soul and see His deliverance like Daniel.

Walk with Him and experience His love for me like John.

And testify to his mighty works and His ability to redeem and transform me like Paul.

And eventually – yes, eventually – look in the mirror and slowing start to see Jesus’ image and not my own.

So, I’ll continue to believe in God despite my fear, because if I don’t, I will never know what it is like to truly know Him and experience Him.  I’ll never know that He keeps His promises if I don’t believe in them.  That’s a risk I’m willing to take.

So, what are you afraid of?  Maybe it is time to take a risk.  Go ahead.  Do it.

Take the mask off.
Bid on the job that you are afraid you might not get.
Move somewhere God is leading you.
Talk to a someone you’ve never met.
Apologize to the person you think could never forgive you.
Tell that person you love them.
Trust that God is real and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).

The only thing you have to lose is fear but what you can gain is freedom!

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”  – Deuteronomy 31:8