Discovering True Intimacy with Our Savior

Blue

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My adult life has been peppered with bouts of anxiety and depression. (That’s such a nice, cheery way to start a post. Don’t you think?) In the past, I have been able to contribute it to a specific circumstance in my life. But lately, I’ve been blue, and I haven’t a clue as to why.

Not only have I been blue, but I’ve been incredibly anxious. I wake up almost every single morning nauseas and dreadful of what the day might bring. Nothing seems to satisfy me or ease my discontent. I have no energy. No appetite. I have waves of anxiety for no reason at all. It’s baffling, uncomfortable and almost paralyzing. I just want to feel normal again.

Or at least that is what I thought I wanted.

Now…I’m not quite so sure.

You see, I’ve been fascinated with the Holy Spirit, lately. I’ve been praying for God to fill me up with His Spirit, to teach me about who He is, and how He works. We know so little about Him, and yet He is predominately how the God-head interacts with us today. Does that seem ironic to anyone but me?

In my search to know the seemingly enigmatic Holy Spirit, I stumbled across a collection of sermons by A.W. Tozer aptly titled Mystery of the Holy Spirit and this sentence caught my attention:

“I am not sure anyone was ever filled with the Spirit without first having a time of disturbance and anxiety.”

Come again, A.W. What was that?

“…before [the Holy Spirit] can fill us, there must be a disturbance and an anxiety. Adam has to die.”

Think about this with me for a second.

Let’s say you have a box full of junk, but you want to make it a box full of treasures. In order to make it a box full of treasures, you have to empty the box of the junk. Right? You have to pour out the contents of the box in order to fill it with the things that are valuable.

It is the same with the Holy Spirit!

We cannot be filled by the Holy Spirit until we are empty of our self and of the things of this world: the junk.

Wait! There is more.

When God turns our boxes upside down to empty us out, our internal self screams in discomfort creating feelings of anxiety and distress. Y’all! This could change my life!

Eventually, the box has to run out of junk, right? Eventually, those feelings of anxiety and despair will disappear when the box is turned right side up. And then look what happens! We get filled with the treasure of the Holy Spirit!

“But when you reach that place of despair, when nobody can help you; when you’ve gone to the last person, you’ve written the last editor, and followed the last evangelist around, and hunted up the last fellow to counsel with him, and when nobody can help you any more you’re in a state of inward despair; that’s when you should never despair, because you’re near the kingdom. That is getting close, getting near the place where God can do something for you.”

Do you see it? Oh, please tell me that you see it!

We try so hard in our society to be comfortable, to not feel pain, to not hurt or be anxious. We seek counsel in anything – and from anyone – but God.

We talk to friends,
surf the internet,
distract ourselves with more and more activities.

We pop pills,
or drink another glass of wine,
or work longer hours.

We numb ourselves with the television,
or quit our jobs,
or move on to another relationship.

But what would happen if we welcomed the pain? What would happen if we embraced the opportunity to be emptied of the junk so that God could fill us with His Treasure?

The Pet Store

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Hello friends! It is so good to be back! I have missed this place – and YOU! I thought about you almost every single day.

For those of you wondering, the conference was a success by mine and Jamie’s standards. No one took a tumble down the stairs. There were no wardrobe malfunctions. No one threw her bible on the ground and went stomping out of the room.

It was good.

And I am blessed and humbled not only by the sweet comments we received but that God would choose to use me at all.

Last week, however, was a bit more of a roller coaster than I expected as I shifted gears to go back to work. Remember those cartoon characters who would run full force into a cement wall and then slowly slide flat-faced to the ground? That was me last week! But all is well. God gave me a few surprises to keep me motivated.

Speaking of surprises, let’s get to the point of the post.

Yesterday, I went to buy Ellie (my adorable, sweet and TEETHING labrador retriever) some chew toys at the local pet store. I chatted for a few minutes with the lady behind the counter as she rang up my items.

It was a normal transaction by every definition of the word. I slid my debit card through the thingy, entered my PIN, and waited to be “approved” by my bank. (By the way, does anyone else want to scream “I’m approved! I’m approved! I’m approved!” every time you go through a checkout lane? Nah, it’s probably just me.)

Anyway, while I was waiting to be “approved,” I looked up, smiled at the lady and then things started to get weird. Out of NOWHERE, y’all, this large rat came crawling out from under her hair and onto her shoulder!!! Ummmm. Ewww!

Realizing that I was in a pet store, I decided to play it cool and said, “Oh, you have a cute hamster on your collar. I wasn’t expecting that, but it’s cool” or something equally as lame and headed out the door.

My spiritual lesson for today? Expect the unexpected. God loves to surprise us.

He surprised…
Abraham and Sarah with a baby;
Moses with a burning bush;
Jacob and Daniel with angels;
Elijah with bread and water;
and the disciples with an empty tomb.

And he can certainly surprise you.

A Sheet Cake Offering

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As some of you are aware, Jamie and I just wrapped up writing and teaching the women’s conference at our church and to be honest, I am just flat out of writing material. Turns out – this is gonna be a great blessing to you because Robyn had a fabulous post that I want to share.  So, without further adieux, let’s have a round of applause for Robyn’s sheet cake offering.  Enjoy!

 

I don’t have a very big sweet tooth, but my mom has some pretty spectacular dessert recipes that when prepared, make me morph into some kind of unrecognizable addict.

Like somehow I can justify eating three pieces of cake a day.

Her chocolate sheet cake is one of those, and I thought I might like to try it out this weekend to honor a friend’s birthday.

As most of her best recipes go, they’re well, loose, in places.  Her macaroni and cheese, for example, calls for no specific ratio of macaroni to milk to eggs.  It’s just, “until it’s the right consistency.”

Right.

This sheet cake recipe is my Mimi’s recipe, and it has a couple of interpretive elements.  For one, the cake batter is to be poured into “the pan,” which refers to one pan.  And I don’t mean one particular sized pan, but the actual pan that Mimi used, and that Mom now uses.  In other words, the one I don’t have.

Mom doesn’t know the exact size, but only that “it’s bigger than a 9 x 13.”

And the icing calls for “1-1½ boxes of confectioner’s sugar.”

My grandmother’s and mom’s generations are not making it easy on daughters like me to carry on our favorite cooking traditions, I tell you.

Needless to say, between the wrong pan size and the un-measurements (and my omission of some critical vanilla in the icing), Round One was a disaster.

I called Mom today to report back.  “I just finished making my second chocolate sheet cake, if that tells you anything.”

How often this happens in our spiritual lives!  Despite the guide and instructions that we’ve been given by the Lord — and no, the specifics are not always explicit — we mess up all the time.

Disappointing?  Sure.   Costly of time and energy (and another round of ingredients)?  Uh-huh.  Normal?  Absolutely.

But praise Jesus, he is gracious, and generous with second chances.  He allows us opportunities to learn from our mistakes, and to learn his ways, that we often struggle to understand.

Mom was very sweet and said to me, “Well, it’ll get easier when you make it more.  That’s probably one of those we should’ve done together the first time.”

I think God’s like that, too.  I think he knows when we’re trying, and encourages us to keep at it.  And no matter what we’re doing, or how many times we’ve done it, I imagine he’s always saying to us, Do it with me.  It’ll turn out better that way.

Gracious Lord, continue to remind me that you are the God of second chances, and that whether I’m on the first, tenth, or hundredth chance, I’m better off doing life with You.

And please, Lord, let this chocolate sheet cake be an acceptable birthday dessert for my friend offering to you.

2011: The Year of Exercise

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OK.  So, that title might be a bit of a stretch (get it? I crack myself up).  2011 was, indeed, the year of exercise for me but not in the sense it has been previously.  2011 was the year of exercising…my faith.  And boy did I feel the burn.

Inspired my Robyn’s reflections of the year (which, by the way, I look forward to with ridiculous enthusiasm), I thought I’d share my own.

Most Memorable Moment
Standing in a pile of rubble after a significant hike through a ravine to lead my first person to Christ.  Totally worth it!

Favorite Moment
Holding hands and praying in the middle of a dusty, dirt road with a complete stranger who is now my brother in Christ.

Most Awkward Moment
Holding a plastic 13 gallon trash bag that was as white as my face as I nauseously paced at the Lima airport before boarding the plane for Arequipa.

Worst Moment
Watching my friend hold a tee-tiny Delta barf bag for 8 hours on the way home from Peru, and then feeling terrible that she actually had to use it the second we pulled into the church parking lot.

Best Purchase
An adorable, white labrador puppy who is as beautiful and sweet as she was in my dreams.


Favorite Gift

A Spanish Bible with a hand-written note inside given to me by a 10 year old Peruvian girl.

Most Embarrassing Moment
Being the only woman in the room who admitted to having a tattoo while playing “Do You Love Your Neighbor” at the Valleydale Women’s Conference. So glad this was caught on film.


Most Disgusting Moment
With two miles to go in a four mile race, watching thousands of people stuff handfuls of soggy donuts into their mouths at the Krispy Kreme Challenge. NOTE: No donuts were consumed by me or Robyn, and we have never looked at a Krispy Kreme donut the same again.  It was THAT disgusting.

Most Hilarious Moment
I’m going to have to agree to Robyn on this one: having a huge, middle of the night, delirious, ugly-girl laugh (complete with snorting) in wondering if the Delta blankets on our return flight from Peru were made from baby alpaca.

Favorite Football Moment
Watching my Auburn Tigers win their first national championship after 57 years.

Verse of the Year
Zephaniah 3:17

Greatest Accomplishment
Finishing Daily Resolve 2011

Biggest Endeavor
Writing the women’s retreat material with Jamie Harper which is still to be completed.

Favorite Line from My Prayer Journal
“Can you shut that bird up that is outside my window? It is driving me crazy. At the very least can you give it a different tune?”  (He did, by the way.)

Best Trip
My one-on-one retreat with God to my favorite place on earth: El-Bethel. It’s actually a condo that a friend’s parents own, but it is a very special place where I go to meet with God.

OK. I think that’s enough reminscing seeing that I have a writing deadline tomorrow.

Happy New Year, Y’all!

It Is Finished

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I have been looking forward to writing this post for 364 days when me and my accountability peeps decided to embark on “Daily Resolve 2011” and read through The Bible in a year. Remember our cute binders?

Well…mine is FULL!

And so is my heart.

It’s been quite the journey to say the least, and like any journey, it has been full of ups and downs, disappointments and doubts, followed by complete and total elation upon reading the last words penned by John in Revelation.

I had the name of this post picked out a long, long time ago. A smile crept across my face when I read my last reading assignment and those very words popped up by Jesus Himself. I think these are my three most favorite verses in the whole entire bible:

“And the one sitting on the throne said, ‘Look, I am making everything new!‘ And then he said to me, ‘Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.’ And he also said, ‘It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega—the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life. All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children. But cowards, unbelievers, the corrupt, murderers, the immoral, those who practice witchcraft, idol worshipers, and all liars—their fate is in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.’ Revelation 21:6-8

I cannot think of a more beautiful way to celebrate the birth of Christ than to behold the truth that He is coming again. Three times Jesus tells us in the last chapter of His Word, “I am coming soon!”

“Look, I am coming soon! Blessed are those who obey the words of prophecy written in this book (v. 7)…Look, I am coming soon, bringing my reward with me to repay all people according to their deeds. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End (v. 12-13)…I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this message for the churches. I am both the source of David and the heir to his throne. I am the bright morning star (v. 16)…Yes, I am coming soon! (v. 20).

It’s like he just couldn’t say it enough…he couldn’t remind us enough…that he is coming soon. And I can’t help but echo John as he writes:

“Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!” (v. 20)

Waiting

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Often, we have trouble making sense of the Bible. It is full of so many stories…

…good stories
…amazing stories
…stories that bring hope.

But sometimes we forget that it’s one big story. God used a little concert called Behold the Lamb of God by Andrew Peterson to help me to see the big picture from the Old Testament to the birth of His son.

But you see, the story didn’t stop with the birth of Christ but became the greatest story ever told through his death on the cross. And it isn’t finished; the story isn’t over; it is still being written today…as we wait for him…

Are you waiting?
Do you believe?

Advent: God With Us from The Village Church on Vimeo.