Reflections

Confession: I have been avoiding some of my friends. I know that sounds harsh…and wrong…and completely inexcusable…but it is true nonetheless.

You see, once upon a time, I used to do triathlons. While ‘speedy’ was never a word used to describe me in my triathlon years (unless it was preceded by the word ‘not’), I was fairly fit if I do say so myself.

I was skinny and tan.
I was comfortable in spandex, lycra, dry-weave tanks and swimsuits.
I could ride a bike over 50 miles fairly easily, swim well over a mile and not even blink at a 6 mile run.
And I made some pretty awesome friends along the way.

We traveled together,
cried together,
pushed each other,
and cheered each other to the finish line.
We argued,
and we laughed,
we shared our secrets during the hours and hours of bike rides and runs. We overcame fears and failures,
nursed each other back to health after inevitable injuries
and hung out together on the sidelines.

I started to feel God tugging at my well-defined arms back in 2008 but I chalked it up to just being burned out on training. It wasn’t until the summer of 2009 that I finally submitted to Him during a very, very, very, very, very long and excruciating half-marathon in Chicago. It was there, on the beautiful banks of Lake Michigan, that He finally wore me down and got my attention. I knew I had to stop.

So, life as I knew it changed. I had long since hung up my bike and put away my swimsuit, but now, I saw the writing on the wall – it was time to unlace the running shoes and get back to God.

I retired myself from all things exercise. At first, it was hard, but then I started to hear God speak and move in my life in ways I had only heard people talk about. I started to love God more than I ever thought possible. I started to feel His presence in my life. I actually loved to study the Bible and I started seeking His Heart in ways I cannot explain.

And slowly, day by day, my heart became full and apparently…so did my belly.

Along with these awesome spiritual changes, I was faced with some not so glamorous physical changes. I could no longer eat what I wanted and not gain weight, but that didn’t stop me. Now, I am carrying around more pounds than I care to acknowledge, and with that has come the burden of shame.

Shame is something that we don’t like to talk about, because…well…it’s shameful. But it’s an arrow Satan keeps in his quiver ready to fire at me in a moments notice. The target of shame is always our weakness, and he has been using that for the past two years to keep me away from my friends.

I’m ashamed that I can’t run and swim and bike like I used to.
I’m ashamed that I’ve gained more weight that I care to count.
I’m ashamed of what I look like.

So, I’ve been avoiding my triathlon friends. I’ve let Satan shame me into not calling or seeing them. Now that I know what he’s up to, I might just have to pick up a phone and call one of those friends because I refuse to let him win. I refuse. He has no power over me.

And when I call those friends, I’m sure I’ll find out that Satan is, in fact, a liar and that those friends I’ve been avoiding will love me whether my legs are tan or white and reflective. I’m sure they’ll love me skinny or a little fluffy because, well, they are my friends. And that’s what friends do. They love us no matter what.

I think God is trying to tell me something. Remember this verse? Beth Moore tweeted this earlier today:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

God is such a show-off!

One reason that I started this blog was because something interesting happened to me back in 2009. All of a sudden, I started to hear a voice deep inside me that didn’t sound like me. I mean, it sounded like me, but the things that this voice said to me where not what I would say to myself.

My voice speaks words of condemnation, of shame, and fear.

But this voice was different. It was a golden voice. A voice that spoke words of hope, of life, and of a love that somehow I’ve missed in almost thirty years of being a Christian.

When I would pray, this voice would remind me of scriptures that I hadn’t read in years. It would speak something to me, and then I would ‘coincidentally’ read a similar scripture that would sound very similar to what I had just thought/heard in my heart. To be honest, it freaked me out!  Allow me to provide you with an example:

I was praying one day about a seemingly impossible situation. In my mind, I was convinced that God would do this, but I continued to pray for confirmation. All of a sudden, I heard in my heart this voice that said, “Believe me in this, it will be done as I said.”

Weird, yes?

I was skeptical thinking that it was my own internal voice that I heard. So, I asked God to put it in writing (i.e. confirm it with scripture). Later that day, a scripture popped out at me in Isaiah: “What I have said, that I will bring about; what I have planned, that I will do” (Isaiah 46:11). Sounds a lot like, “Believe me in this it will be done as I said.” Right?

Y’all! God speaks! Did you know that? I never did.

How had I gone so many years and not heard His voice? John Eldredge sums it up perfectly and simply: “Many good people never hear God speak to them personally for the simple fact that they’ve never been told that he does.” That statement sums up my walk with God until He turned it upside down (or perhaps, right-side up).

I hear from God quite frequently now. I guess you could say that we’re tight, He and I. And He has charged me with the responsibility of making sure that His children know that 1) He speaks and 2) how He speaks to me so that hopefully they will hear His voice too.  I feel like I have neglected the last part of that charge – to tell people my experience of how He speaks – to some degree. I hope to remedy that oversight beginning with this post.

One of the ways God speaks to me is by throwing me what I call “bread crumbs.” Basically, he repeats Himself like a broken record, and sometimes I feel like He does everything but knock me upside the head to get His point across. Case in point:

I’ve had some pretty difficult talks with God over the past couple of weeks. He’s refining some things in my life and stretching me WAY outside my comfort zone. (By the way, I think growing pains are more miserable in adulthood than I remember them being as a child. OUCH!)

One of the things God is teaching me is that He is faithful. It hurts me to confess that I don’t believe what God says all the time. He’s just too good to be true, and I’ve been told my whole life that if something is too good to be true then it usually isn’t.

To remind me of God’s faithfulness, I chose a memory verse two weeks ago from Psalm: “Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you” (Psalm 9:10).

Now, I check out what He’s done over the last week. (I am so excited to share this with you that I can hardly stand it!)

May 6 Verse of the Day:


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Email I received this morning:



 

 

 

 

 

Is He not the coolest thing ever?