Discovering True Intimacy with Our Savior
Will you follow Him here to the place of sacrifice?
Will you follow Him where tears flow?
Where pain knocks?
Where fear beacons you to turn back?
Will you follow Him through shame to redemption?
Through angry and bitter tears?
Will you follow Him through the valley?
Will you follow Him in the wilderness?
Will you follow Him here?
Ok. Ok. Ok. There are four things you should know right off the bat:
1. I am deathly afraid of rodents – especially rats.
2. I have a weird fear of dead animals.
3. God has a sense of humor.
4. God’s ways are not our ways.
About a month ago, I left some new, unopened bags of dog food out in the garage (bad Nikol!). I noticed some little holes along the bottom and knew immediately that a rodent of some kind was nibbling on it.
No problem.
The food went into a Rubbermaid container, and an awesome neighbor set some rat traps for me (which he would come check so I didn’t have to see and dispose of a dead rat – Praise Him!).
Little did I know this rat was smart, sneaky, and really, really wanted some dog food.
After a couple of days the traps were all tripped. There was no rat in the traps, and the edges of the handles of the rubbermaid container were chewed up. GROSS!
Let the horror begin…
Early one Sunday, I was sipping on my coffee in a chair that sits next to the door leading out to the garage. Suddenly, I hear – just on the other side of the door – a rapid tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
Terror gripped me. I held my breath. Maybe I was just hallucinating.
A few seconds later….
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
I thought my heart was going to explode.
The only thing I thought to do was flick the light on, kick the door, and pray that was not what I thought it was.
Suddenly, silence.
I sighed, made a mental note to have the traps reset, and after about 20 minutes my heart rate returned to normal.
About an hour later…
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
WHAT?! You have got to be kidding me! Have mercy, Lord!
I kicked the door again, grabbed my phone, and called my neighbor to come reset the traps. Who cares if it is 7 AM on a Sunday!
Neighbor #2 to the rescue. Look at what the little monster did to an “air-tight” dog food container.
This was war, people! And sometimes wartime requires some creativity: Since the rat wanted to get into the dog food so badly, we gave him what he wanted.
We took some dog food and sprinkled it on the bottom of the rubbermaid container.
The lid was strategically placed like a ramp.
The dog food would be irresistible to the rat. He would climb in, but he wouldn’t be able to get out.
It was a long shot. But would you believe that it worked?
Would you also believe a co-worker had to come look inside the container to see if it worked because I was too chicken? He took care of the varmint, but he made me look inside beforehand.
Guess what?!
The rat wasn’t the gigantic hissing monsters with snarly teeth and beady red eyes I pictured in my head. He looked kind of cute, sad, and helpless sitting in the bottom of that container with his last supper. And I felt kind of silly for being afraid of him.
Progress made to conquer fear #1. Whew!
Grateful for that drama to be over, life returned to normal until two weeks later.
I walked into the garage to get my running shoes out of the car and heard the most atrocious sound. It sounded like a bird flopping around on the ground and something dragging on the concrete. I turned around to see a gigantic rat RUNNING AROUND the garage with a mouse trap stuck on its head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! This cannot be my reality.
Neighbor #2 to the rescue…AGAIN. He took care of him, but y’all…I don’t know that I will ever be the same.
And that might be a good thing because apparently we are conquering fears.
Now, I’m not so scared of seeing live rats. In fact, I pray for the dead ones. I walk outside without fear and check the traps all by myself HOPING there will be something dead in it.
Isn’t it interesting how God works to conquer our fears? Often, we pray for God to protect us or deliver us from the things we fear. But sometimes, He wants us to conquer that fear by making us face it because that is how He sets us free. Most things that we are afraid of are just like that rat: they seem like gigantic monsters in our head, but in reality they are nothing but sad, helpless, little creatures at the bottom of a rubbermaid container.
Yep.
God has a great sense of humor.
And.
God’s ways are not our ways.
God reminded me this week of the power of my words – not only to others – but to Christ.
Recently, I asked someone to do something. They agreed, but when the time came for them to close the deal, their response was, “Oh. I thought you were kidding.”
How many times have I done the same to God? I’ve told Him I would…
follow Him anywhere;
do anything He wants me to do;
pay any price.
Then, He asks me to…
do something uncomfortable,
or scary,
or outwardly foolish,
or embarrassing.
My palms sweat, and my heart pounds. I hope He is kidding, but it turns out, I’m the one kidding myself.
Lord, help me to heed whatever Your call. Help me obey with abandon. Change my heart into one that delights in service to You whatever the cost. Help to remember our covenant is real and binding with eternal consequences both for myself and others. Let my “yes” really be yes.
Seven words are following me.
Back in January, they popped up as David’s prayer in Psalms and became mine as well.
They snuck up on me again during Holy Week only this time they were the last words of Christ.
I entrust my spirit into your hands.” (Psalm 31:5; Luke 23:46)
Heavy words.
Spoken first by the one with a heart like His.
Spoken again by the One who had His heart.
When the disciples heard Jesus utter those words, they were probably on the verge of panic. Their hopes and dreams were wrapped up in Jesus. How could they process that promise now hanging on a cross about to die the shameful death of a criminal?
They believed in Him.
They hoped in Him.
They followed Him.
He was their life.
As they stared at what appeared to be the death of their promise what went through their minds?
Panic?
Doubt?
Fear?
Disbelief?
Anger?
He told them before what would happen. They didn’t understand.
Maybe you have a promise hanging on a tree. It is a promise seemingly unfulfilled. And like the disciples, you don’t understand.
You believe in Him.
You hope in Him.
You follow Him.
He is your life.
But how will you process it?
Will you be as brave as David in the midst of his distress?
Will you be as faithful as Jesus in His dying?
Are you able to say despite what comes: “Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands?”
Years ago, someone deeply inflicted a wound to my heart. I suppose I responded the way that most people would: I was angry, bitter, and hurt, but circumstances didn’t allow me to take my frustration out on the person. So, I took it out on God.
I remember sitting on the phone with my dear friend, Angela, saying things about My Savior that should never be uttered aloud and of which I will not repeat. Angela miraculously (& annoyingly) met every complaint, every gripe, every angry word with these:
All I know is that God’s grace is sufficient.
Over and over and over again she repeated those words to me.
It was infuriating.
I really didn’t understand how it applied to my situation. And, honestly, on that particular day, and in that particular circumstance, I didn’t care.
Seven years have passed since Angela uttered those words to me.
Seven.
Years.
And I remember them as clearly as if it was yesterday.
Recently, I bumped into the person who inflicted that wound those many years ago, and all that hurt I thought was behind me came rushing back. Suddenly, I felt…
worthless…
unlovable…
disposable…
rejected…
abandoned…
and alone.
I was processing these feelings with another friend, and when he spoke, I could not believe the words coming out of his mouth:
God’s grace is sufficient for you, Nikol.
I’m serious. I can’t make this stuff up.
Needless to say, I’ve been praying over those words lately, but it wasn’t until I read a definition of grace on Jamie Harper’s blog that it snapped into crisp focus.
Grace is the unmerited favor of God.
How many times had I heard that definition?
Countless.
But on this particular day, and in this particular circumstance, it became very clear: Suddenly, “God’s grace is sufficient” became “The favor of God is sufficient for you, Nikol.”
Turns out, I had given this person the ability to determine my worth and that was wrong.
People are fickle.
They are broken.
They carry around their own disappointments;
their own baggage;
their own wounds.
Scripture tells us that God is the only one just in his judgments. And that God – the creator of everything in Heaven & Earth – is the one who has determined my worth. His grace – His unmerited favor – says that I am:
Valuable…
Lovable…
Irreplaceable…
Accepted…
Worthy…
Redeemed.
He will never mistreat me.
Never forsake me.
Never abandon me.
And that – it turns out – is more than sufficient.
I have a list in my head of people I want to talk to when I get to Heaven. Joseph is in the top 3. I think about his story a lot. God tells him one thing and then the story goes in the opposite direction.
I wonder what emotions he experienced…
as he sat in a pit waiting to die…
when his brothers sold him into slavery…
when Potiphar’s wife falsely accused him of rape…
when he was in prison for years.
Did his questions ever cease?
Where there moments of panic?
Did he ever yell out at God in frustration?
Did he doubt himself?
Was he lonely?
Did he think he was crazy?
Did he cry?
Want to give up?
Did he sink into moments of despair?
Did he waver in his faith?
Did he go through a season of bitterness?
Did he weep from the disappointment when days in his prison cell turned into months and eventually years?
Joseph’s story in Genesis is very factual with few details regarding his emotions. Why?
Perhaps leaving out the emotions allows us to fill in the blanks with our own experiences. Maybe the details are missing because it didn’t matter if Joseph’s faith faltered. What mattered was that he served a faithful God who would fulfill His promise even when things seemed the exact opposite of what they should be. What mattered was that each avenue of adversity was necessary to mold Joseph into the man who would save God’s people. The avenue that would lead him through a pit and a prison would eventually pave the way to the dream.
I recently read Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges. Perhaps Mr. Bridges’ words apply to us as well as to Joseph:
But God cannot be frustrated. He will carry on to completion that which He has begun.”
He goes on to say…
God does not delight in our sufferings. He brings only that which is necessary, but he does not shrink from that which will help us grow.”
What would happen if we realized that every point of frustration, every agonizing moment, every disappointment, every adversity is necessary? Not one is a mishap; not one escapes God’s attention. Every one is perfectly planned to make us into the image of Christ. Every lesson is designed & tailored specifically for us, and it is executed at the proper time and with perfect proportions!
What comfort!
What brilliance!
What amazing detail!
What exquisite skill!
Our God is, indeed, a wonderful & brilliant teacher.
Help us, Father, to endure the pounding of the anvil. Help us to submit to the shears as you prune. Remind us when we grow weary of the lesson that it is warranted and worth every bit of the pain or it would not have passed through your Sovereign fingers.
