On the Day of My Wedding

I haven’t blogged in 6 months.  That’s shameful.  I also haven’t taken down my Christmas decorations either.  (I’ll sit here for a minute while you judge.)

But I HAD to blog today because today is a blog-worthy day.

For almost 2 decades, I have pounded on the floor of God’s throne room for this day to come. I have…

shed an ocean of tears,
experienced heartbreak,
wondered why,
and wanted to give up countless times,
but God gives us the desires of our hearts.

Some people think that verse means God gives to us whatever our heart desires. It is God in the fast food drive-thru. Others think – when we are in a place of right fellowship with God – His desires become ours, and thereby He gives us the desires of our hearts.

I think the latter is very true, but there is another option.

I know with all my heart that God gave me the desire to be a married. It wasn’t something I, personally, wanted. It was something He innately created within me to crave. I’ve wanted to be a wife…a mom…to be a helper…a partner. He GAVE it to me just like he gave the desire for a son to Hannah and Sarah, or the desire He gives teachers to teach, or doctors to heal.

God places inside us the desire He has for us in our hearts. He gives us that want…that drive….that yearning…and the perseverance to keep pushing…to keep praying…to not give up hope when the fulfillment eludes us.

And – the bigger the dream – the more likely we’ll have to wait for it – because in order to be good at it and to give God the glory He deserves, we have things to learn.

In my case, I had a lot of growing up to do.

I was afraid of my own shadow in my 20s.

I learned that the world isn’t a scary place.
I learned how to be a professional in the workplace:
how to pay my dues,
how to work hard and diligently at any task assigned to me whether I liked it or not.

I had to stand on my own in my late 20s learning the finer points of…
home buying,
house keeping,
paying bills (aka adulting).

I had to learn to like my own company, and I found out that I really like my sense of humor.

I also had to learn how to be lonely.

Jesus often withdrew to lonely places. So, don’t feel sorry for me. That’s where I found Him.

In my 30s, I learned that life is FUN.

I learned that I could run, and swim and bike.
I learned that I could physically cover 70.3 miles in one day under my own physical power.
I learned that I loved the outdoors.
I learned how to paint pottery.
I learned how to knit.
I learned I love writing.
In a nutshell, I learned I could be creative, mentally tough, and physically strong.

I learned to love and accept people that were very different from me.
I learned about giving and receiving grace.
I learned that not all girls are full of drama and even the ones that are, are worth loving.

But the most important thing I learned in the waiting is that God is very real and very personal and that He is near all the time.

He whispers daily.
He shouts occasionally.
I find Him best when I am quiet and still.

I learned that His Word is a treasure, and that – for some unknown and unforeseen reason – I have the ability to teach it.

I learned that He loves me more than I could possibly imagine and more than anyone on this earth possibly could, and because of that love, He used all this time to train me, and to turn me into the person I needed to be in order to be a wife…a partner…a helper…and someone who loves Him more than I love him.

God works His purposes out over time…and He does, indeed, give us the desires of our hearts.

So, at the age of 42:

I’m going to the chapel,
and I’m gonna get married.

And God blessed me with a husband that is ABUNDANTLY more than I could’ve asked or imagined.

Hallelujah! Glory to God!