Discovering True Intimacy with Our Savior

Warriors Wanted

//  1 Comment

Ten-ish years ago, I was lying on the floor in my bathroom praying that I would not wake-up. I didn’t want to kill myself, but I didn’t want to live.

In my moment of grief, a fleeting and odd thought went through my head:  I must be really dangerous if the devil wants me dead. 

I’ve thought about that statement a few times over the last couple of years, but the truth of it did not hit me until last week:  The devil, indeed, wants me dead.

It came suddenly.  Unexpectedly.  Ferociously.

Only days before I had been playing in the spiritual surf; laughing and splashing around with my friends.  Life was good, and everything seemed to be falling into place.

Then, out of nowhere, an unseen current grabbed hold of me and took me under.  As soon as it hit me, I knew I was in trouble.

Serious trouble.  

Further and further down I sank.  Unable to breath.  Unable to escape the grasp of the darkness.

The strength of the monster gripping me was remarkable.  It’s determination astounding.  I knew I was no match for it.  I knew I couldn’t fight it on my own.  I knew I needed help.

I could see the Light flickering overhead.  Beams of Truth shot through the darkness just beyond my reach.  I saw people peering into the water above me.  Though their words were muffled and their faces blurred, I could make out what they were saying:

“Fight, Nikol.  Fight!”  But how can a paralyzed person fight?
“Believe, Nikol.  Believe!”  But belief wasn’t budging the grip. 
“I’m so sorry this is happening”  But sympathy wasn’t going to save me.  

And while Satan did his best to kill me; God was using it to teach me a lesson I will not soon forget.    

It is ridiculous to tell a drowning person to save themselves.
It is absurd to discuss what is happening – or how they got there -while someone is fighting for their life.  
It is preposterous to worry about breaking a bone when someone needs a breath!

When Peter lost his faith while walking on the water, did Jesus watch him descend into the waves while yelling, “Believe, Peter!  Believe?”  Of course not!  He reached out and saved him (Matthew 14:28-31).  

When Jairus’ daughter was dead, did Jesus require her to believe?  Don’t be ridiculous.  A dead person can’t believe.  But a fighting father can; and after throwing out the mourners and the doubters, Jesus grabbed her hand and restored her to life – not because of her faith – but because of his (Matthew 5:35-43).

And that is what it took to save me (this time around).  

It took someone taking a stand and saying, “No!  You cannot have her.  She belongs to Jesus!”   They couldn’t yell it from the shore where it was safe.  They had to be in the water with me.  They had to get up the courage to say, “I’m going in after her.  I’ve seen enough.”   They had to reach out and grab my hand.      

Ultimately, it was Jesus who saved me.  Ultimately it was His Name who made the darkness flee, but I often forget the order of things this side of Heaven:  God uses people to accomplish His work.  Jesus living inside of us motivates us to intervene on His behalf.  Sometimes, often times, intervening requires prayer.  But sometimes intervening requires action.  Listen to James’ words:  

What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?  So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless (James 2:14-17).

The purpose of our faith isn’t for us; it is for others.  The battle wasn’t really about me.  Satan thought it was.  The battle was about us.  The battle was to show me that we are all in this together, and sometimes that means we have to fight for someone who can’t.   We can’t fight by standing at a distance.  We fight by getting in the game. And we cannot back down.  

Ever.  

We cannot back down because the next time it could be us that needs saving.  We cannot back down because that death – someone’s spiritual death – is the only death that can harm us.  

I’m not sure what the future holds, but I am grateful today for the Light.  I’m grateful for the warriors – bloodied and battered – who love me enough to fight for me.  I’m grateful for the prayers that motivated someone to action.  And I am grateful for the warriors who reminded me (once I safe), that I cannot quit.  I have to see this through.   Even when it doesn’t make sense.  

 

Abundant Blessings

//  2 Comments

Mary C. Neal, M.D. says in her book To Heaven and Back: “When you are doing God’s will, everything seems to happen without much effort or many obstacles.”

This quote didn’t sit well with me when I first read it, and I’m still not sure how I feel about it. 

I wonder if Abraham would agree? 
Or Joseph? 
Or David? 

It just seems too neat, too tidy, and a tad over simplistic. 

But then there are people who would probably agree.  Take my buddy, Nehemiah, for example.  Did you know it only took him 52 days to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem?

52 days.

Unbelievable.

Earlier this year, I felt God’s leading to sell my townhouse.  This was not good news because the main reason I had called my cozy little place home for 10 years was less because I liked it and more because I was terrified of the buying and selling process. Yet, 4 weeks after I put my townhouse on the market, I had an offer in my hand to purchase it for cash!

4 weeks!

Astounded (and a little freaked out), I frantically started the search for a new house. Would you believe that four days later I found the perfect one?

4 days!

And when I say perfect. I mean PERFECT! It had everything on my wish list and then some. And look how cute it is!

 

Of course, that’s not to say there weren’t obstacles.  Obstacles like…

  • The price for the house needed to be a tad-bit lower.
  • I needed the super awesome refrigerator to stay because I sold mine with the townhouse.
  • My A/C unit in the townhouse decided to call in sick on inspection day even though it had no problem working the 3,649 days before.
  • And I needed a relatively large sum of cash for closing costs.

So, I prayed.
My accountability group prayed.
My Sunday School class to prayed.

And one-by-one God knocked down every single obstacle with little effort from me and minimal impact to my pocketbook.

And He didn’t stop there.

He sent some divine connections. Divine connections like…

  • Mrs. Morris (the owner) grew up with a lady in my Sunday School class.
  • My lender taught Sunday School to their son when he was little.
  • That same son actually lived three townhouses down from me.
  • One co-worker – who just happens to grow pretty awesome roses – lives right around the corner.
  • And another co-worker is BFFs with my next door neighbor.

Weird. Right?

But God was just getting started.

Blessings came in the form of the Morrises who should definitely win an award for Best All-Around Sellers. Check it out.

  • Despite the doubts of my realtor, they kindly agreed to leave the aforementioned refrigerator, and while love seems like a strong word to describe my feelings toward an inanimate object, I do like it a whole lot!  
  • They took exceptional care of the house. I mean, I don’t have one single project on my “to do” list. It’s that awesome.
  • They invited me to a party a couple of weeks before closing so I could meet the neighbors.  (And Yes!  You read that right!)
  • They made sure I knew how to turn off the gas, work the fireplace, and turn off the water at the street.
  • They gave me tips and tricks on adjusting the thermostat, setting up the dog house, and working the dishwasher.
  • They even checked in on me after a big storm the first night I was in the house.
  • They not only gave – but installed – the old cord from their dryer after the move so I wouldn’t have to buy one. 
  • And…they did some majorly awesome work in the backyard. It is simply spectacular. My prayer is that Holy Spirit will impart upon me a serious green thumb so I can keep it this way.

Y’all! There was not one detail God didn’t work out! Not one obstacle He didn’t fix!

Blessing upon blessing was poured out on me.

My prayer at the beginning was for God to be glorified somehow through the buying/selling process. So, I giggled and clapped for Him as I watched co-workers, friends, and realtors stand amazed at His handiwork. No one could deny that I had the best house-buying experience on the planet.

Ever.

So, maybe – in some instances – Dr. Neal’s statement is true. Maybe – when God’s timing is right – things fall into place “without much effort and many obstacles.” Afterall, “much effort” doesn’t mean no effort, and “without…many obstacles” doesn’t mean no obstacles.

I don’t know the answer. 

But I do know this: 

Despite a tough housing market, it only took God 80 days to sell my house and give me a beautiful home. 

80 days! 

I know that, for now, God has chosen me to take care of this house, and I consider it a priviledge. 

I know that sometimes, God wants us to remember that He is the same God who rebuilt a wall in 52 days. 

He is the same God that does – in fact – give us immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). 

And He is the same God who is worthy of all praise (Psalm 96:4)! 

 

Yield

//  2 Comments

A couple of years ago, I started noticing that years were marked by specific themes in my life. For example, 2010 was the Year of Abundance. 2011 became the Year of Stretching [my faith].

Sometimes God mentions to me what the coming year will be. Other times, I pick up on patterns or themes that He repeats in my life.

With all my struggles in 2012, I’ve been wondering what this year will become.

Early on, I thought it would be the Year of Favor, but so far (and very sadly, I might add) that word just hasn’t stuck.

Perhaps it will be the Year of Perseverance or the Year of Patience. But how can those words define a year when I’m in denial that they even exist in the English language? I mean, just looking at those words makes me tired.

Then, there is the Year of Brokenness. That sounds like a winner. Doesn’t it? I guess that’s the risk you take when doing back-to-back Bible studies about shattering idols (No Other Gods) and broken hearts (Nehemiah). Thanks, Kelly Minter.

The Year of Frustration is also in the running mainly because it pretty much sums up the last 150 days (give or take a few).

And then it came to me unexpectedly the other night.

My thoughts were holding me captive as I lay in bed waiting for sleep to find me. My house is up for sale and has been for a few weeks now. I pondered in the darkness and stillness how one person could do nine years of house maintenance in just under a month. Partially proud of myself for such efficiency, and partially ashamed at my procrastination, I thought about all the work that had been done to get my sweet, cozy, little townhouse ready for her next owner.  Whomever that might be.

For weeks my weekends and evenings were consumed by…

Packing up memories and knick-knacks.
Trashing the unnecessary or the obsolete.
Temporarily relocating the functional but nonessential.
Repairing, replacing or repainting minor imperfections.
Removing weeds and re-planting.

Of course, I didn’t do all these things myself. Some friends helped me lift the heavy stuff, and professionals came in to take care of the things I didn’t have the resources or know-how to do. But it was hard work none-the-less.

And that’s when it hit me: What I had been doing to my physical surroundings, God is doing in my life.

He’s packing up memories and knick-knacks that no longer need to be hanging around my heart. He’s trashing the unnecessary and obsolete thoughts that have developed over the decades. He’s relocating things that – although, they are functional – are not essential to my walk with Him. He is slowly repairing the dents and dings that have left scars on my heart, and He’s pulling up the weeds that are choking the seeds He’s planted in my soul.

And I’m not gonna lie. This year of transition and preparation is painful. But I put my hope in knowing the tears that I’ve shed as He removes, remodels and restores me are not tears that are shed in vain. They are the tears watering the soil He is tilling so that it will yield – not just a little fruit – but a harvest.

…Let us live in awe of the Lord our God,
for he gives us rain each spring and fall,
assuring us of a harvest when the time is right. (Jer. 5:24)

Just Stay

//  3 Comments

I am sitting at Starbuck’s on my lunch break. This isn’t my usual place to have lunch which is evidenced by my surprise that there is a guy here in jeans and flip-flops enjoying what could in all probability be his usual morning cup of Joe at one o’clock in the afternoon. At least that is the story that I made up in my head about him.

I’ve deviated from my usual routine for two reasons: it is a beautiful day outside and my car needed to be washed before I head to the beach tomorrow.

You might wonder why I chose to wash my car before heading to the beach, and I have one word for you: pride. I was just too ashamed for my friend, Lil, to see the dog hair and dirt that has accumulated from having a very rambunctious lab who lives to be in some sort of wet medium which hopefully is a nearby lake but is often a mud puddle.

As my car is being washed, I thought I’d catch up on some bible study. Me and the peeps are wrapping up the last couple of weeks of Kelly Minter’s study No Other Gods. I’m kind of weary of waiting for God on a particular issue right now that, frankly, just seems impossible.

Focusing on my bible study, Kelly begins to recount a football game she went to recently. She convinced her friend to leave the game early because it was apparent from the score that their team was going to lose. As they left the stands she remarked about how silly the fans were in the stadium for holding out hope that they could make a comeback.

I’m sure you can see where this is going, but for the record…

When she got home later that night, she was met with “You’ll never believed what happened!” Turns out…her team ended up making a comeback and winning the game.

She writes: “And only crazy committed fans whom I pitied on the way out got to enjoy it. They were loyal and unflinching in their dedication. But mostly, they just stayed.”

So that was God’s message to me. Just stay the course, Nikol.  Just stay.

Coincidentally, a lyric from a song playing over the speakers caught my attention in a jaw-dropping way:

Just don’t give up
I’m working it out
Please don’t give in
I won’t let you down…

Wow! I live for clear God-moments like this. I shall weep now.

Fine Lines

//  1 Comment

I noticed something pretty remarkable about age recently, and fortunately, it was something other than the fine lines an invisible artist has begun to paint around the corners of my eyes.

What I noticed was a shift in perspective in what constitutes a problem.

Now, before I continue, let me say that I realize this isn’t rocket science. I am certainly not the first person to observe this phenomenon. But go with me back in time for a second, and let’s look at what used to qualify as a problem in your world.

  • Someone removing your pacifier left you wailing and sobbing.
  • Not getting candy at the grocery store justified flailing on the ground and squealing at the top of your lungs.
  • Breaking up with your first love, not fitting in, or having a zit on school picture day was a fate worse than death.
  • The thought of not being accepted into the right college broke you out in hives as you contemplated the disaster your life would inevitability become.

Sadly, I wish I could say that over exaggerating life’s hiccups end when we cross over into our twenties, or even into our thirties, but sadly it does not – at least for me. I definitely have areas of concern that can (and often do) send me into the outer limits of anxiety, fear or despair.

But when I look back at the struggles of my youth, I cannot help but chuckle at the absurdity of the problems, and yet, I remember them feeling so real…so important…so monumental. And it’s left me wondering…

If God’s ways are not my ways, and God’s thoughts are not my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8) are my problems even problems at all?

Does God have the same type of perspective on my “adult” problem that I do on the little girl sniffling because her best friend hurt her feelings?

I’m also wondering what problem are you facing today. As a child of God, you have access to Almighty God (Eph. 2:18). Nothing is too hard for Him (Jer. 32:17)! Go boldly into His Presence (Heb. 4:16) asking Him – not only for his resources – but for His perspective as well.

 

To Your Left

//  Leave a Comment

I was lying in the hospital bed during the wee hours of the morning in a morphine induced haze. The TV filled the room with a surreal, pale-blue hue which flickered as the picture changed.

After spending 6 hours in the ER, I was grateful for my new – and much more comfortable – bed, but my lower back ached. I wanted desperately to sleep on my side. However, turning to the left would tug at the IV line, and turning to the right caused the IV machine to protest with a series of beeps. So, I ended up in some crazy half-flat, half-right tilt. It was no wonder I couldn’t sleep!

I felt my lower back relax a bit as I listened to the oddly soothing sounds of the IV machine.

“I am here with you,” said a voice deep in my soul.
“Where?” I whispered.
“To your left,” I heard Him say.

I slowly turned my head and shifted my gaze to the left hoping to see the image of my Savior beside me, but my eyes only found a large window with the blinds tightly drawn. I sighed and drifted off to sleep.

My mom stirred as the sunlight filtered in through the shades. I opened my eyes to see her standing by the window with a cup of coffee cradled in her hand.

She reached out and opened the blinds that had blocked my vision the night before. And to my surprise, there – just outside the window on my left – was a cross.

“I am here with you” came the words.
“Where?” I whispered.
“To your left,” I heard Him say.

And indeed, He was.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10