A dear friend sent a message this past week wishing me a happy birthday. He included this comment “…based on the posts you are looking pretty happy – great for you – you deserve it.”
My heart ached when I read his comment, because somehow, I’d managed to cover up that 2017 was the absolute hardest of my life to date.
I value transparency.
I like real.
I hate when people are not genuine.
When they pretend to be someone they aren’t,
and somehow I’d become one of them.
I feel guilty for hiding behind a mask. My life looks all put together and shiny on social media, but in reality, it is not.
Somewhere in trying to be discreet, I’ve hidden the truth.
So, as I reflect on 2017, I want to make sure I shoot you straight because there will be times when we all struggle, and it is important to know you are not alone.
Here are the good and bad from 2017:
Best New Year’s Resolution:
Not making one.
Separating from my husband in mid-June and every day thereafter.
Any day with Deacon is likely to be a trip.
Prayer. It is a compulsion I am drawn to almost every waking hour.
On a less serious note: April the Giraffe giving birth.
I’m working on Prevailing Prayer by DL Moody.
Favorite TV Show:
This is Us (because I guess I just need more reasons to cry)
Game of Thrones
Favorite Bible Study:
Going through The Blue Book by Jim Branch with my church.
Visiting Bost and his family ranch in Kerrville, TX with Robyn for my birthday. It was delightful.
Favorite New Experience
Best Decision/Best Purchase:
This king size gel memory foam mattress and bed frame off of Amazon.
I miss my bonus sons;
and my husband.
Developing and implementing a solution at work with Brianne and watching it actually WORK!! This is our victory flight home.
The Writer’s Share at WorkPlay. In all fairness (and in the spirit of transparency), it is also the only one I attended.
My cousin, Terry, who started responding to commands after being in a coma for many days. Visit his Facebook page for updates and ways to support them during this difficult time.
Bost taking us to pray over my marriage at this lovely prayer garden in Kerrville, TX. It was just before sunset, and it was stunning.
Most Memorable Moment/Most Embarrassing Moment:
Falling on my face (literally) when I was walking the dogs with my boot. Thankfully no neighbors saw me.
As with any hard year, the blessings stand out like sparkling diamonds, and I am grateful beyond words for every one of them.
– Kels letting me and the
monsters dogs live with her for about 6 weeks.
– My apartment.
– The love and prayers of my friends and family who’ve stood by me through the brokenness.
– My Life Group who shares their struggles and crises, so no one feels alone.
– Learning what unconditional love and forgiveness require.
– God – who holds me up every single day – and fights for me.
Mary Lane surprising me with this book out of nowhere. I don’t think I told a soul I wanted to read it, but somehow she knew.
A trip to a friend’s family cabin for a solid week.
Favorite Family Activity:
Watching my eldest bonus son graduate from high school.
Most Awkward Moment:
Writing this post. I’m still shaking.
My hope & prayer is for 2018 to bring healing, reconciliation, and joy for God’s glory!