Confession: I am struggling with sin in my life right now. And frankly, I am sick of myself…
Sick of being lazy.
Sick of not having energy.
Sick of being a victim of my body and mind.
Sick of letting my flesh control me.
I try to do better.
I mean…really, really try.
And something thwarts me.
Sometimes it is myself.
Sometimes it is outside circumstances.
But I’m sick of it.
So, I prayed this morning…
Lord, do I need more self-discipline or do I need more of Your strength?
I waited silently for an answer.
Then, a verse came to mind…
”…not by might shall man prevail.”
I opened my bible to the passage and read Hannah’s words of worship.
“the LORD has made me strong.” (v. 1)
“I rejoice because He rescued me. (v. 4)
“…not by might shall man prevail.” (v. 9)
Is that my answer?
God doing the work?
God making me strong?
God cutting the wicked off in darkness?
God rescuing me?
I don’t know what that looks like, frankly, because it is so ingrained in me, and in this culture, that I must WILL myself to victory.
I must do.
Then, two words roll through my mind.
No. No. No.
That can’t be right.
But I am familiar with those words. They repeat to me frequently most often in the form of Exodus 14:14. But today those words brought this verse to mind:
“Be still and know I am the LORD.” Psalm 46:10
That phrase “be still” in Psalms actually means to cease from striving; to drop; to relax.
Y’all, I admit, I don’t even know what that looks like other than looking lazy and giving up. Honestly, it looks like defeat.
So, help me out here….what does being still look like to you?
Wow, entry speaks to exactly where I’m at with sin too. I have a sneaking suspicion this resonates with quite a few believers. I certainly don’t have all the answers and recognize my own limitations. With that being said I would offer these sentiments:
1. We’re all in the sanctification process and will never be without hangups…this is the reality of earthly living.
2. The Bible tells us that God allows things to happen sometimes, in his perfect timing and complete knowledge. This very easily could be a time when he is getting something into you. Also remember, even Paul asked “three times” that a “thorn” be removed. Gods reaponse? “My grace is sufficient for you, My power is made perfect in weakness” Paul reminds us then, to boast all the more gladly of our weaknesses. Telling us to be content with weakness. And best of all “for when I am weak, then I am strong”. Hallelujah
3. Lastly, I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry to hear about your struggle. Body complexes can be extremely difficult. I’ve battled with similar things almost my entire life. Ironically, I just journaled earlier today about this. I’m encouraged to hear sisters are experiencing similar things. Unless our physical beings are in danger because of disease or sickness, I think these thoughts might be used by the enemy. What sneaker and more powerful way to shame someone?! If I can encourage you one last time, I would say press into Jesus and ask what he wants you to do. If you feel conviction for running, ENJOY
Thanks again for provoking God centered thought!
I don’t know what being still and waiting would look like. I feel like I must always strive, fight, move forward. It would be harder for me to stop than it is for me to run the race of life. Let me know once you master “being still”? I need help myself.